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How to Order at McDonald's (Please pass this to everyone you know)

Posted Jun 21 2010 11:06pm

I’ve worked at McDonald’s for almost 3 weeks now, and the longer I work there, the more I realize that people do NOT know how to order their food.  An order should not  be “Hi, I’ll just have fries and a drink.” That means nothing to me.  Do you know how many fucking drinks we have at McDonald’s?!?!

This is going to be your guide to ordering at McDonald’s.  Please reblog, print it out, and tape it to your windshield for the next time you are going through the drive-thru so you won’t piss off whatever lovely person happens to be working that day.  

1. Coffee

What not to say: “Hi, I will have a coffee.”

What size? Guys, do you really think just saying “coffee” is enough?  Small, medium, or large.  It is not that hard.  There have been one too many times where I just guessed and gave someone a medium, and then they came back pissed that I charged them too much because they wanted a small, or because I only gave them a medium and they wanted a large.  SAY WHAT SIZE YOU WANT.  When the order taker is punching your order into the computer, the first button they have to push is the size, so say it first. 

Do you want that hot, or iced? Because we have both.  And while we would like to assume that when you say “coffee” you mean hot coffee, that is not always the case.  Some asshole will say coffee and be mad when you give them a hot coffee because they wanted iced, and you should have known that.  

Do you want cream or sugar? Probably the most important part of your coffee.  Someone who needs their black coffee in the morning doesn’t want their drink ruined with cream and sugar, and likewise, someone who hates black coffee NEEDS that cream and sugar to be able to drink their coffee.  Tell us if you want cream or sugar, and if you want some, how many of each. If you say you want cream and sugar, I  can guess how much you want, but chances are, I’ll probably be wrong and you will probably be dissatisfied with your drink.  

Don’t get mad if you want Sweet n’ Low and we only have Splenda or Equal. I guarantee that it is not the fault of the person taking your order that we don’t have Sweet n’ Low.  Please, do not get mad at them.   

What to say: “Hi, can I please have a medium hot coffee with 2 creams and 2 sugars?”

2. Happy Meals

What not to say: ”Hi, can I just have a Happy Meal?

Cheeseburger, hamburger, or nuggets? I know, the choices are overwhelming, but you have to choose.  You can’t just say Happy Meal or we will have no clue what you want and will probably give you the one thing that you don’t want.  Ps: If you get nuggets, tell us what sauce you want.  

Do you want a regular Happy Meal or the Mighty Kid’s Meal? Yes, there is a difference.  Happy Meals have either a 4-piece nugget, a cheeseburger, or a hamburger with small fries and a child’s size drink. A Mighty Kid’s Meal has either a 6-piece nugget, a double cheeseburger, or a double hamburger with small fries and a small drink.  There are 2 separate buttons for these meals on the register, so please specify which one you want at the beginning of your order.  

French fries or apple dippers? There are different buttons for these too, so you need to let us know.  We would like to assume that you want fries.  You are eating at McDonald’s so obviously you aren’t too worried about getting your servings of fruit for the day, but some people actually want the apples (with caramel sauce nonetheless, how healthy of you.)  

What do you want to drink? Chocolate milk, white milk, apple juice, orange juice, or a soda (and if so, which soda? We have like, 10.) OR do you want to be wild and replace that with a Sweet Tea? Or maybe a milkshake?  Yes, you can do that.  But YES, it does cost more. Please don’t get mad at me when a large chocolate milkshake costs more than a 12 oz. Sprite.  

What to say: “Hi, can I have a cheeseburger Happy Meal with apple dippers and a chocolate milk to drink?

3. Value Meals

What not to say: “Can I have a Big Mac Meal?”

What size? Yes, this topic is coming up again, but it is the most important and most frequently forgotten part of the order.  And no, you cannot get a small meal.  Medium or Large?

What number is it? This may seem crazy, but not everyone who works at McDonald’s has the menu memorized, and they might not know what number the Chicken Club sandwich is.  You are looking at the menu. Tell them.

What do you want to drink? Again, seems obvious, but saying “…and a drink” won’t get you anywhere.  Tell us what you want, and most likely, we will give it to you.  And once again, yes, milkshakes cost more.  

What to say: “Hi, can I have a medium number 3 with a Coke?”

4. McNuggets 

What not to say:  “I’ll just have the McNuggets.”

How many do you want? They come in 4 piece, 6 piece, 10 piece, or 20 piece.  Pick one.  

Do you want sauce? We have like, 8 different sauces, and you get to pick one of them! Maybe you don’t want sauce.  That’s cool.  Just tell us.  

Do you want them in a Happy Meal? See number 2 above.

What to say: “Hi, can I have a 6-piece McNugget with Sweet n’ Sour sauce?”

5. French Fries

What not to say: “I want fries.”

What size? Once again, seems simple enough, but I can’t even tell you how many people just say “fries.”  Small, medium, or large.  Pick one.  

Do you want salt? Yes, you can order fries with no salt, but it is a pain in the ass for us because we have to make new fries, so don’t get mad if it takes 3 minutes.  

What to say: “Hello, can I have medium fries with no salt?”

6. Coupons 

What not to say: “Hi can I have 3 fries, two McDoubles, and a milkshake? Yes, that is all.  Oh wait, I have 29 coupons.” 

Tell us you have a coupon before you even start to order.  Coupons are generally a pain in the ass for whoever is taking your order, so at least do them the favor of letting them know you have some so they don’t have to completely redo your order when you finally tell them.  The register often has completely different buttons for different items with coupons.  

Don’t be mad at us if your coupon expired in 2001.  Read them before you bring them in.

As I just said above, Read them before you bring them in. I know, a huge inconvenience for you, but please know what your coupon is for.  Don’t be mad that you wanted a free Big Mac but your coupon was for buy one get one free.  Not my fault. 

What to say: “Hi, I have a coupon for buy one get one free coffee.  Can I please have 2 coffees?” (See number 1 on how to order your coffee.)

There you go.  That was your crash course in how to order at McDonald’s.  If you get one thing from this, it is not to be vague.  Be specific.  Tell us exactly what you want.  It really isn’t that complicated, but it gets annoying when a conversation via drive-thru headset goes like this:

You: Can I have a Happy Meal?

Me: Regular or Mighty Kid’s meals?

You: Regular.

Me: Nuggets, cheeseburger, or hamburger?

You: Nuggets.

Me: Any sauce?

You: Ranch.

Me: French Fries or apples?

You: Apples.

Me: What do you want to drink? 

You: Sprite.

You could have just said “Hi, can I please have a 4-piece nugget Happy Meal with apples, honey mustard and a chocolate milk?” I would have known exactly what you wanted.

Please, pass this around to your friends.   Maybe eventually people will get the idea that McDonald’s employees cannot read minds and that they need to tell us what they want. 

*For the record, no, I do not eat McDonald’s food.  That shit is nasty.

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