HORRIFIED

I am still alive and grateful for those that still actually care. Its so hard for me to blog when I feel like shit about myself. The summer has been pretty shitty eating wise, I have done well with eating, then have done really bad. In the end, I still am maintaining my weight. I am still FFL (fat for life) and severely depressed about it.

Ice cream business is okay, in July we had a shitty month weather wise, which in return made it shitty money wise.

I went to a water park with the family for a couple of days and my MIL took pics of me. I am horrified. I have a wedding to go to tomorrow and I am HORRIFIED.

I tried to get health insurance and was denied due to my weight and I was HORRIFIED.

Now I am convinced that I am going to drop dead any moment from a heart attack or stroke and I am HORRIFIED.

I want another baby but I am HORRIFIED to get pregnant.

I need to make a change so badly, it is all I can think about. What am I waiting for? I can't even walk past a mirror. I cannot even take a pic with my kids. I have been a prisoner this summer. I am not sure how much longer I can live like this.