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Hey! *She cried weakly* I'm still here :)

Posted May 04 2010 10:47am
Hi everyone,

I'm baaack for now.  I just needed a couple of days to focus on this wedding stuff....It's exhausting I tell you! In the time I was away I....

a) bought the wedding rings
b) bought my bridesmaid's jewelery
c) Figured out my own jewelery
d) assembled the invitations
e) Printed off all the address labels
f) Send the invitations off

Phew....Sometimes I just need to focus HARDCORE for a few days.  Now that the invitations are done, I can relax a little this week.  In the end I wasn't able to invite everyone I would have liked to which makes me a bit sad :( but honestly I just don't need any more stress (ie family arguments) so this is my solution.  I have to pick and choose which battles I fight. I know its not fair....yada yada, but such is life.

Giving the wedding 100% meant that I just didn't have the strength to give my weight loss 100%.  I mean....I wasn't even able to give it 10%.  I TOTALLY went off the rails this weekend which makes me really sad :(  I was doing sooooo well :( sob, but whats done is done.  I can't look back, I just have to keep going.  Joining up for Sammie's challenge is giving me a little extra ooomfff and motivation.  I know if I set my mind to it I can do GREAT THINGS. I just need to get this DONE.

3 months from this week is my wedding. OH GAWD! 2 months from now is my dress fitting.  I REALLY don't want to be overweight for my wedding...I mean REALLY, so I need to dig deep and find some kind of strength.  I need to REALLY think hard about what I want.  Yes, I want to look good for my wedding.  Yes, I want to run around in a bikini, but what I want more than that? Is to have a baby someday soon.  Time is not on my side my friends...I can't afford to wait around forever.  The plan is to TRY and get preggo asap.  It's a little disheartening because I'll have worked so hard for so long just to put it all back on, but I'm trying not to think that way....I'm trying to think about how much worse it would have been had I got pregnant at 185 pounds.  IF I could have got pregnant while 50 pounds overweight.  I need my body to be strong and healthy.  Sometimes I think, how can I even be a mother?  I'm SO selfish! I always put my needs above everyone else's.  I need to stop being such a stupid cow and just get on with it.  If I can't do it for myself I need to do it for this future little being that I can only hope will be around oneday. 

Details to follow....

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