The next few days will mark some major milestones and celebrations in my little family. Jon and I live for events like this. We both love to take pictures and my favorite hobby right now is picture editing and scrapbooking. As I anticipate the next few days and picture scrapbook pages in my head, I never see myself in the pictures. I always intentionally hide behind the camera, and as the picture editor I am able to hit the wonderful delete key if Jon happens to get my big ole butt in a picture like he enjoys doing!
Hiding. A truer word has never been uttered! I've been hiding from life!! I avoid seeing people that I haven't seen in years, hell I often avoid seeing people I know well just out of embarrassment. I even hide behind an old picture on Facebook and won't post anything current so I don't have to face up to the music. I don't let myself be in pictures because I don't want to face the truth. That isn't fair to my kids though, they will want to look back and see us all, as a family!
To me, this weight is a visible, bold, statement of my failures. I feel like I'm walking around with a neon sign on my head that says "Failed Dieter". My mental tape needs to be changed! I'm not defined 100% by my weight! I don't want or need to be known as a tri-athlete (though it would be cool to do one once). I want to be known as a loving wife, wonderful mother, supportive friend and valued employee. I think I do a pretty good job at those things, I don't think my kids look at me and just see a big person.
Quite frankly, I'm tired of living like this! It really takes more effort to avoid things and its just no fun! Starting this weekend I'm going to be in FRONT of the camera more! I'm challenging myself to post more pictures too, because taking them for my eyes only really doesn't change much. Honestly, its a little scary, but exciting too!
What do you hide behind? Are you willing to challenge yourself to push past it?