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Foods and Their Stupid Sounds

Posted May 27 2010 10:39am
Holy monkey, I'm ornery today. For no obvious reason though. Isn't that always the way?

There's something you should know about me. The thing that drives me the most batty in the universe is having to listen to someone else eat. I can't stand the chewing sounds. Usually at lunch time, I have to get away from the other eaters, for fear of having to listen to them crunch and smack and spit their way to fullness.

I just can't listen to the sounds - my neighbour continually scraping the bottom of his yogurt container for the last little stripe of creamy goodness at the bottom; the granola bar wrapper that someone refuses to take their whole granola bar out of, but instead chooses to take one piece out at a time, over the course of what seems like 7 hours, so I get to listen to every single crinkle that wrapper makes; slurping of hot coffee; the person next door who crunches 17 pounds of raw vegetables between the hours of 1pm and 4pm.


Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, slurp <-- my co-worker eating an apple
Slurp, slurp, thump <-- another co-worker drinking coffee and putting down their mug
Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, *pause*, scrape, scrape, scrape, *pause*, scrape, scrape, scrape <-- isn't that freakin' yogurt gone yet?!?

Today, things that normally don't bother me are driving me insane. Yeah, I know we all gotta eat - I get it. I eat too.

There it is again, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, slurp, thump.

Is it time to go home yet?
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