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Finding control, taking control, ..and keeping it going!

Posted Apr 26 2010 12:44pm
Hey there friends. I hope that you are all doing ok. I am doing great!! It is Sunday (well actually Monday but just posting now whoops) and I cant believe that in just a week we will be into May. MAY!!! omg where has the time gone! The weather has been just beautiful outside! I cannot help but spend more time with the kids outdoors at the park more so these days while taking in as much of that natural wonderful so called vitamin D rays as I possibly can!

I was actually going to write a good blog today until I came across some info on that lady called Donna Simpson known as aka "Treasure". Not sure if you heard about her, but she is the woman/mother who is trying to be the first mother I guess to reach 1000 lbs. And is purposely eating herself sadly to death in my opinion. Right now I believe they said she is at about 400lbs.

So surprisingly this kind of threw me off in a way concerning my own blog. Its really put me into one of my thinking modes of why? ...WHY would someone want to purposely do this to themselves? Where is their mental state at? How can she do this to her family? To her precious kids?

Its one thing if you have an eating problem in the sense where, you are just addicted to processed and bad foods and are an emotional eater etc...that is a problem, I get that/we get that, we understand it. I mean most of us go through that and live it each day. I dont put the blame all on ourselves, but also on the environment we live in, the busy lives we live...etc..BUT..... to actually LIVE and to purposely eat and WANT to eat as much as possible for the sake of reaching a number, perhaps to make money...or whatever the case may be just leaves me sitting here speachless.

I dont get it. I am really trying to mentally understand where is this woman at. But I cannot seem to. Why is she doing this? How can she truthfully feel good about doing this? It shocked me to say the least..when I came across/heard about this story.

I dont understand it, and I am sure most dont. I mean is it really for the money? Could someone put themselves and their health in jeopardy for money? Is it really possible that she is truely happy with herself ? Does her husband truely love what she is doing and really encouraging her to continue as the pictures display and what she has been telling people? What about her kids? I saw a picture of her at her age 43 I believe, and she is in one of those carts that you drive around while going through the food supermarkets for old age people or someone who has a disability with her kids ..and I just cannot comprehend the thought that if you find yourself that physically heavy where you cannot out of breath that each step you take might be your last to actually WANT this and MORE?

I find that I cannot help but think about those kids, and how sad it must be for them inside. Of course they dont seem to have much of a say (obviously cause she is still determined), I mean imagine the kids at school making fun of their mother. Dealing with comments all the time. Feelings of embaressment and just having no excuse to come up with for her (mothers) lack of dignity and respect for herself. They have no choice but to get dragged into it. This whole sad and unimaginable way of living.

This is not THEIR fault, nor THEIR battle to fight, but you better beleive that they live this life right along with her because of her selfish decision to do this obviously for the WRONG reasons. She may not even realize or might even down right choose to ignore how she is not only bringing herself down, but her innocent children right along with her. Whether she wants to die, whether she has just given up the fight and just taking the easier way out and giving herself the excuse to do this, which makes her feel somewhat better about eating what she wants...whatever it is...its so sad to me.

This must take such a emotional toll on them (the children). Nevermind teaching them about health, I can see this really DESTROYING these children watching and living this life with her everyday and having no choice in the matter. I cant even imagine the long term affects this will have on these poor kids. Its really sickening to me. I/we are not perfect, but this is just an unbelievable story.
I first heard about this woman on "the doctors" show, a program I enjoy watching and actually have been taught alot just by viewing this show almost everyday. (Glad I have become addicted to a show like this for health info more so over soaps) So I decided to do a search for myself about this woman. At first I couldnt even FIND her site. Alot of links but not directly to her site. But then once you get there..of course you have to pay to join. I didnt join but I did get to see some pictures as a preview to "enjoy" which I put the link up for my bloggers too in the next line.

I just couldnt believe it seeing this. And sad to say, when looking at this woman, my inner thoughts were..this woman is gone. She is already gone. I would be really surprised if someone could meet her and somehow actually change her. Not only physically but mentally too.

I dont know what happened with this woman, I dont know where she stands in life, but something is deffinetly off. Something is so wrong and she is on the path to an early death which truely saddens me. I mean I am sure alot of people poke fun at her, but I tend to look at these stories deeper then that.

I mean, there ARE women who are really proud to be heavier set, and hey if your happy thats all that matter. And even though I might not comprehend that totally...because of the health issues and all the little issues that you/I face when being that size. I mean we have lived it we know. Like take shopping for clothes as an example..its sucks! I am the first one to admit that! Unless you are well off and can have your clothes made for you, women like me would have to go and get whats out there, and not much was ever there as you know.

Its a pain in the fuckin ass! Excus my language but you want honesty you know I will be the first one to give it. Not having your size, not fitting in chairs, your mind ALWAYS with thoughts on how people are looking at you all the time, what are they thinking. Bringing yourself down in the process and your self worth. Not being able to catch up to your kids, running up a flight of stairs or even walking and feeling like your heart is going to come right out of your chest. Seeing all the rolls on the skin, the marks, the scars, swollen feet. I mean I can make a list of what I went I dont understand this womans thoughts.

BUT...the thing is people dont voluntarily go out of their way to the actual point of  PURPOSELY eating so much, and not to mention garbage food like that for a personal goal to reach 1000 lbs?..(thats if she reaches it without dying first) which I would be really surprised if she makes it. I saw a pic of her with I dont know how many sets of fries and burgars she was eating from a takeout joint. Not sure if it was McDonalds or what. whatever..all the same shit anyways.

But people are obviously wanting to watch her die!! Thats what it comes down to. They pay to sign up for this site just to see what is happening. To watch. I too was curious only because I have heard about the story that they briefly discussed, but thats how far I will go. I will not buy into anything to support someone killing themselves. Each dollar she is making is not only helping in killing herself but those around her..including her kids. FUCK THAT. That really pisses me off the more I think about it.

Anyways, so for some reason that really mentally got to me this afternoon. I was all prepared to write a good blog since i havent been on for a little while, but it just shot me off and now all I can think about is that woman underneath all that fat and what is mentally wrong to completely lose respect and dignity for herself like that? She is a person, living and breathing just like you and I... what is she thinking?

Anyways..enough about that. Sorry but I am bad when it comes to analyzing. It is not my problem to try and see into that whole situation, and I cannot allow it to take away from my POSITIVE thoughts on myself and food these days......

SOOOOO.....On a better note...did I tell you went food shopping today? smiles
I actually went a little overboard!!. And you wouldnt believe in

There was this guy who was infront of me in the line. And I didnt actually realize how overboard I went until I caught him kind of looking over at my cart. LOL

 I glanced at his cart when he turned around to see the difference and wondering what is the problem here....when scanning his quickly I saw some of those great pre packaged meals, prob about 12 of them! I guess there was a sale that day smiles...and I think this huge tub of peanut butter , and some pop...and I think thats pretty much it. Must be single. :)

Then that left me then looking my cart over after that...and I started to smile (while looking down so he wouldnt see) I couldnt believe it.?!! What was I thinking!!! What is wrong with me these days!! Rather then overloading..or even buying some of the old stuff I would have in the house (not tons but still I had it), it seems like those days are gone ! And this was just an example of how I just changed my mind frame, making a concious decision to change even this one factor. No more garbage hangin around!

 I might not be perfect  but I have stuck to the personal decision to not purposely buy any of those bad foods. Chocolate fav LICORICE..nothing. ABSOLULTELY nadda..and you know what kids are eating so much better now!! My daughter had a little bit of a belly..nothing major but since I changed even this,  she has been eating more healthy..and not snacking on unhealthy things along with me filling her lunch up with fruits and veggies etc..her tummy has actually come down on its own!! I was so happy! And she EATS Everything I give her!! Not leaving one piece of apple!! I was afraid at first that my kids would not eat that stuff. ..but just now while I am sitting here son ran over to the fridge and grabbed a pear..washed it and began eating it! Its amazing!!

What a great way to get them thinking and eating differently without reasons why and making this big song and dance. If its around they will eat it. Thats it. And they dont even ask. They know now we dont have certain things, so they will get whatever they can when hungry..and this means healthy stuff now!

Anyways get this my cart.....remember we are a family of 5..
2 adults and 3 YOUNG children.

A BAG of bananas..prob about 14 (which usually the kids take one with their lunches so thats not too bad..goes fast and a great fruit to pack for them cause its prepackaged in its own skin love it) so convenient!

A big huge bag of apples ( one of those plastic bags they supply for fruits filled right to the top)(sorry was a good price)

A huge bag and a HALF of ORANGES. (on sale once again) so good and juicy just had one this afternoon!

And a BIG huge bag of PEARS on sale. LOL

It was like I was feeding  12 adults with all this fruit!!!

Then I had my usual veggies loaded in the cart for my salads for the week..Romaine lettuce, red and green sweet peppers, green onions, tomatoes, cucumbers...and then a few little things like half fat microwave popcorn (or as my dad or italians would say poppa-corna) for snacks (which is the only thing I have in the house now)..some extra lean ground beef, and some chicken.

That was pretty much my cart! But it looked so loaded down that that man who was about 39 I guess (not bad looking either) must have this woman really seems to know her shit, but yet...she is .....overweight? LOL
Thats right keep walkin...cause I am feeling fantastic and back on track! hehe.

Its funny cause even though I have had a set back..I have never felt better and more alive and more positive! I feel more in control these days then ever before both mentally and physically. I treat myself once a week, I dont look at this anymore as a diet but I make sure to eat each week 90% of the time healthy leaving the 10% as a day splurge somewhere in there... Its amazing how when you are feeling less stressed, and you are eating healthy for the RIGHT reasons it can make all the difference in the world if you will make it or not (I believe down the road).

When you take away a timed factor, you erase that anxiety that you are used to carrying...and make a personal choice and decide to switch your thoughts into thinking more positive and healthy just to do it cause you know you should because its just good for you. WE were made to eat better! Not because someone is telling you anymore, or because you feel pressure to..but because you WANT to, it makes SUCH A DIFFERENCE.

I guess you can say that I am set in my nutitious foods department for this week..smiles..

Anyways its a beautiful day outside! I am so loving this weather!! I went to the library today something I havent done in years! Took my two kids there in the morning for something different to do. This morning I actually had two eggs...just boiled (something quick)..later morning had a nice juicy orange I told you about already..and then lunch I had my famous chicken with a huge salad...and most recently a banana! I am feelin a little hungry today, but I make sure to stop myself and ask one very important question...which is, "am i really hungry, or am I bored" and then decide not to eat cause I know the answer;-)

Anyways final thought for this blog ...

Love yourself!! I cannot say this enough. This is something that I am slowly starting to learn and its working! It can be tough when you are not used to really being able to do that. Remember however, its all in the mind.

I have now realized that when you truely make an effort to love oneself (which is a big factor I think in the battle against the buldge) despite what might be going on in and around you in your personal life, it can make all the difference in the end!!

To actually be able to sincerely throw away all those thoughts once and for all of failure, and you put your foot down and stop yourself from focusing so much of your mental energy on beating yourself up even if you find yourself having a set back, you will slowly start to see changes both inside and out!!

To be able to look past all the chaos and anxiety about losing weight and all that information that the media is shooting at us constantly with ever changing information...making us hear it all the damn time...and all that pressure, who needs it?? I think we have enough pressures today!

Just take a step back and look at the situation for what its...and decide to just make it a PRIORITY, to take a positive action (at least one to start with)...which is to take control again....all for the RIGHT reasons this time! Going back to basics.

Look at myself,  starting off by following only one rule to start, which is just welcoming GOOD wholesome foods again into your life,  while limiting the processed  and bad ones, making yourself actually believe that you are someone important that deserves this (to look and feel your best)
By doing this, and mentally being more positive, the world around you just seems like a better place!

I may have a little chunkier butt thing happening these days..but you know what..ITS OK! Thats right. I am telling myself that its ok Rosy!!
I am eating great, feeling great..and in time, the butt WILL GO too!:)

I only hope that "treasure" will somehow find her way back before its too late. That would make her a true treasure if she could only somehow find her way back:-( my thoughts are with her and her children

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