Yes, it is true... I finally did my first real workout. Alright, well my first workout at the gym. I've been working out at home riding the bike, doing weights, playing wii and doing resistance bands. Today we joined the YMCA and I had my first water aerobic class. I knew water makes you buoyant but oh my. I felt like I could do anything in that water. Grant it I was a bit slower than the others because I'm still learning and my knees did some popping and moving but not in a bad way. Only if I could live my life in water it would be so much easier. I did it for a full hour without stopping and definitely felt my heart pumping. I'm already feeling sore but I know that is a good thing. I can't wait to go again tomorrow. Not only that but the feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of I DID IT and the feeling that I DID IT FOR AN HOUR! I feel good, tired and sore. But I am happy about it. I am hoping it will help my knees by getting them moving and flexible. My physical therapist is hoping the same thing.
My surgery... well I called Monday to check in. I was told my file is on the surgeons desk in a big stack of files waiting for him to sign off. I asked if I should be getting a call for my surgery date this week and I was told I should. Of course I was hoping sooner than later and nothing yet but there are still 2 days left in the week. I believe my surgeon does have appointments with patients on Wednesday's so I am hoping he was able to do it today. I know... I am so antsy. But come on! I had huge delays and will be one of the last people to get a date in my class but was one of the first ones to get through everything and meet with the surgeon. I am trying to be at peace with the notion that things happen for a reason but that anxious child in my does like to rear its head.
Yesterday I had a melt down. I am so tired of being me. So tired of being the fat me. It affects me in so many more ways than most people understand. I was so angry with myself. I felt so stuck. Today I feel better but I do have some of those feelings resonating. It's hard to spend your life stress about social situations in addition to normal every day stress. I literally have panic attacks about it sometimes. Yes, it is that bad! I know it is temporary and have to tell myself that. I have been doing good and I am still hoping to loose another 35-ish pounds before my surgery date. So that is why today I got serious. Shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, shake before my workout, healthy dinner and exercise.