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Fat Woman vs. Weight-Loss Diet

Posted Jul 13 2009 11:35pm

by Maria' s Last Diet


I' m in a tense standoff with my weight-loss diet.

Me: OK, I say, what makes you think you can tell me what to do?

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: I' m starving to death, but you don' t care, do you. You just keep saying no, no, no.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: I mean, I' m the master of my own universe. I can eat what I like.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: I' m going to have the chocolate cake, and there' s not a thing you can do about it.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: It takes too much willpower for me to keep up with you.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: You know, lots of people say diets don' t work.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: Even if they do work I don' t think you' re the right one for me.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: I' m just fat, and there' s no hope anyway.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: I' m a big fat failure.

Diet: doesn' t say anything

Me: And it' s all your fault.

Diet: doesn' t say anything


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