Fat Woman vs. Weight-Loss Diet

by Maria's Last Diet

I'm in a tense standoff with my weight-loss diet.

Me: OK, I say, what makes you think you can tell me what to do?

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: I'm starving to death, but you don't care, do you. You just keep saying no, no, no.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: I mean, I'm the master of my own universe. I can eat what I like.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: I'm going to have the chocolate cake, and there's not a thing you can do about it.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: It takes too much willpower for me to keep up with you.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: You know, lots of people say diets don't work.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: Even if they do work I don't think you're the right one for me.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: I'm just fat, and there's no hope anyway.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: I'm a big fat failure.

Diet: doesn't say anything

Me: And it's all your fault.

Diet: doesn't say anything

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