Today was such a fun day! Shannon and I decided to go out to lunch. We drove about an hour to go to a certain restaurant we love and I talked her poor ears off the whole way up. Now I have to warn you before you continue reading on this was one of the oddest days out we have had and if you have been following us for a while you know we somehow always find plenty of entertainment in the most unexpected ways.
We were seated in the restaurant at a small table for two placed snuggly between small tables on each side of us. It was like a school lunchroom table broken in pieces and slightly spaced. After looking and seriously reviewing our options we decided on our meals and began to wonder if they had forgotten us. Right after I said I was going to go ask someone if we can get some service our waiter came and introduced himself. His name just happened to be the same as my ex-husband. Okay, no big deal… it’s not that unusual of a name. When he was talking to us I felt like he was really staring at me, like more than would be normal. Finally, after he had been to our table a few times I asked Shannon if she felt he was staring at me. I really felt like he was starring into my soul… he really was looking into my eyes like there was something more there. (You may be thinking I am just flattering myself, but it was so bizarre, and I am sure he either wanted me or really wanted a big tip and saw me as a sucker!) Shannon even noticed this… um, whatever it was.
At lunch Shannon and I was talking and laughing as usual. I am somewhat of a loud mouth and when I laugh it sounds like a crazy witch cackling. Did I mention my laugh is loud too? It is. There was a couple sitting to our right and I will just be honest, because that is just how I am, loud and honest, this girl was a bit sleazy ghetto trash, not that there is anything wrong with that. Ya know… its all good, whatever does it for you is fine with me! I was having such a good time I didn’t notice this girl was very interested in our conversation, not that I blame her. We really crack me up! I was telling Shannon one of those things I tend to talk about that most people, Shannon included, really don’t want to know and you don’t either, but you have to hear it to understand so here goes… Last night I thought I was getting a cold sore and I have never had a cold sore. I was staying at a friend’s house and she said I had to use her cold sore medicine, so I put it on. In the morning I woke up and it was huge and all hard and I began to wonder if it was maybe a pimple instead so I decided to squeeze it. (I know… TMI, but deal with it! Really, I know you and everyone else has had a pimple and probably popped one too!) A big hard white thing came out and I found out it was just an odd pimple below my lower lip. Yes, I did tell this whole story to Shannon over our lovely lunch, and no I didn’t think it was the least bit odd or inappropriate, but by the look on Shannon’s face I knew she did and that is why she got to hear the full story not leaving out any of the disgusting details. I love shocking people… it really does entertain me. Little did I know, at the time, that part of her horrified face was because the ghetto girl next to me was staring at me during the full story absolutely disgusted. After I ended my story with the big pop she turned to her boyfriend to share the juicy details with him. I am just glad I could give them something interesting to talk about… my complexion. So ghetto girl, if you read this your are welcome. I am always happy to provide some interest and entertainment.
We get our checks and though I was tempted, for some really odd reason because this is so NOT my personality, I did not leave my phone number for the waiter. I may have known him or have met him sometime before and it just be failing my not so sharp memory. We left both a little bewildered at the odd lunch experience.
Now, we are in the big city and right by the mall so we thought we would go get some makeup. Ooops… I forgot to grab my cash so we decided to just stroll through the mall. Shannon and I were dressed what I would consider normal for the day… casual shirts, crops nothing too crazy. Why am I telling you this you ask, because everyone was starring at us. No boogers, our zippers were up, no spills on our clothes or surprise holes in our clothes. We couldn’t figure it out. There was some really interesting to folks there though. Check out the lady with hair that was longer than I am tall. Wow, that must have taken a long time to grow. To be honest, again, I was so tempted to go up behind her and cut it. I don’t know why… just one of those urges. Maybe because I really love my short hair and hers was very damaged and sort of Crystal Gayle looking.
We walked by a kiosk that sells hair pieces for women; the ones you clip on your head to make it look like you have more or bigger hair. I really have never thought they were for me, but since I was in a bit of a silly mood I decided to try one. The lady working there started doing all sorts of things with my hair, pinning here, pinning there and walla… it was actually kind of cute and fun.
This mall was beginning to feel a bit like Tijuana, Mexico. People were trying to grab us and sell us everything at a million kiosks. Selling cell phones, purses, sea salt, and so much more I am trying to block it all. Shannon was on that side on the way down the hall and she is a SUPAR STAR at saying NO! However, coming back down I was on that side. I really tried to follow her lead and say no, but I made a huge mistake and made eye contact.
Some dude asked if I wanted to try something and I said no, doing good so far. Then he says “hey, just a minute”. He said it in a way that made me stop like he was going to tell me there was toilet paper hanging out of my pants or he knew me. So I stopped and looked in his eyes and then it was all over… I was stuck. He buffed my nail, put oil on a cuticle and asked what is this pointing at my arm. “Er, that is my arm.” No he was referring to my less than perfect skin. Well dude, I have mild dermatitis and have some scars. Thanks for acting like it looks like I have leprosy! So, he is going to change my life and make me look beautiful by introducing me to dead sea salt scrub and body butter. Yadi, yadi, yadi… LOTS OF MONEY! I tried everything to get away and I was somehow placed under some sort of spell that made it so I really couldn’t run away and he wouldn’t give up. I finally as a last resort knowing he has dropped the price on this stuff a million times and it is still $80 tell him I only have $25 to my name. So I bought the dead sea salt “made in Israel not China” – that’s what he said.
Are you wondering why Shannon didn’t help me get away or call for security to come break the spell? I am still wondering that. She just kept walking even though she heard me yelling after her. She just went on down and watched me stutter and then browsed and waited for me. She did call my cell phone a few times, but the spell I was under prohibited me from hearing it.
Well we escape the mall without anything else to crazy and decide to hit the whole food market across the street. As we pull in to the parking lot and find a spot that I can get into and park straight we realize we are definitely not going to fit in at this place and again everyone is starring at us. We go in and see the best sign ever! Take that PETA! LOL
We were confused…
We got some of what we came for and got out before the aliens revieled themselves and beamed us up to space.
The evening ended with us giving ourselves pedicures and painting our nails while all of our crazy boys jumped all over us and screamed. Oh, and I got to watch Ruby for the first time. I really related to her and it made me realize that I am struggling with letting my old self go even though all of the changes in my life are so good. It really is hard to let go of what you have accepted as you.
Deep breath… I have just typed the longest blog post in the history of blogging.
Make it a fabulous week and enjoy any bizarre experiences because you never know what they mean… I still don’t!