Back on track? Is there such a thing? I've been trying to get to this blog but real life has been crazy lately. I'll give you a quick run down. My littlest kids came down with H1N1 about 6 weeks ago. Since that time they have battled illness of one kind or another, ear infections, pneumonia, stomach virus, bladder infections, strep throat. Yeah, it's been crazy!
I have a wonderful friend on Facebook and we share a lot of common beliefs about attitude and life and we got into a conversation about excuses. She posted that there is a correlation between compulsive eating and a cluttery house. I posted that my house was cluttery these days because it wasn't a priority with all the illness in the house. She replied something about "excuses."
This got me thinking. I've generally given up the "excuses" thing. Haven't I? I've stretched and broadened my scope of interest, worked on my overeating, worked on my writing, started news reporting, started a part time job. There is nothing that can stop me right?
Except sick children. When my children are sick all else comes second. The world stops for our home and I stay close. First of all, my husband works away and is home two days of the week, so it's me alone, with them. I am the one who has to go to the doctor(which has been once a week for 5 weeks now) and I'm the one up at night, administering medicine(sometimes forcefully because they both hate it) and I am exhausted and mentally and emotionally unable to keep up on anything else. The house gets messy, I get messy, it's not a fun time.
Excuses? Nope..damned good reasons I say. Who the heck cares about clutter? Who cares about weight? What's a pound or two when your children are miserable and sickly and need you? Whats a little mess and dirt? Why waste my time worrying about such trivial things as those are when I've got children who need me. The rest be damned, I'm cuddling my feverish baby and watching Max and Ruby with them!
And then I tried on my pants. They are loose. I've lost weight in the last 6 weeks. Not a lot but some. I've been crazy busy and while my diet hasn't been ideal I've not had time to snack on junk or think about food or eat for any reason other than hunger pangs. My cluttery house hasn't contributed to my emotional eating at all but some of that might be because I've been working on it for so long that I no longer identify as a compulsive eater. I am gaining a happy and healthy relationship with food that has nothing to do with losing weight.
The other day I picked up copies of my show. I watched myself on television which is not a flattering medium. I immediately thought, Oh my God I'm HUGE. Then I looked at the other reporters who are quite normal weighted in real life, small even, and saw that they looked bigger too. How distorted is that? But it was also enlightening! If they aren't as big as they appear on screen then I'm not either.
And my face, my hair, everything looked pretty good. It looked like me. I like the way I look now. Healthy, happy, eyes full of joy.
I still have no idea what I weigh..but I know I feel happy, I know I'll go to the gym again and work out regularly once the kids are well again and life settles down a bit. Someday I'll sleep. And tomorrow night I'm going to see my favourite band, Blue Rodeo alone. That'll settle things for a good long while.
My affirmation: I no longer make excuses, but I also don't stress over the reasons my life is cluttered and out of control occasionally. I am able to find peace in the clutter and know that this too shall pass.