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Emotional connection to overeating...

Posted Jun 07 2010 6:19am
The real emotional truth about overeating....

I was at the park last week, and had a conversation with a new friend of mine that I made in the neighbourhood. One who also is always fighting the battle with weight. I remember mentioning to her how to me its so funny when you have one set of people who can have 1 piece of something bad such as "a chocolate" and be happy with that and be on their way never to think about that piece of chocolate again, and then you have the other side of people like myself and her that end up obsessing when tasting such a forbidden food..and find it really extremely hard to just move on with just having that one.

I mentioned to her that its obvious this overeating that most of us do is not just something made up in our heads. People are not fat because they are lazy, nor because they WANT to be fat..but there is always a reason more then what we can visually see.

I believe most of us who are overweight/ obese turn to food instead of really dealing with an underlying issues/problems in ones own life, that may be causing us emotional anxiety. I have noticed in my many years that most women/men who are confident in their lives, mentally strong people, who seem to have it all together, dont seem to really have this problem so much in regards to food intake. They are people who just have a certain attitiude they carry.

For example..."jane" who lives across from me, a wonderful single woman I met (who has also became one of my neighbourhood friends, been making alot of those lately) we just recently started getting to know each other. So some days we will find ourselves sitting on my back porch when she crosses over for a chat. Jane is someone who looks absolutely great! She carries with her what most of us women like myself dream about.  She is really pretty, she is in shape..she has a fantastic secure great money making job..she wears nice clothes..and shes at the gym 6 days a week...and...surprisingly "single" AND is really HAPPY with being "single"

Talking to her, the one thing I get..is "confidence" She is a really confident women. She is strong headed. She doesnt need anyone really and relies on no one except herself. I would love to pick her brain more to compare what is that I am lacking that she has other then the "obvious". Deeper down there is something that I dont carry that she does. I am sure there are qualities about me that I carry that she doesnt have either..I mean no one is perfect..but its these strong confident women that I would love to get inside their brains.

Like I love too when people say to others who cant seem to get a grip with healthier eating and working out etc..."oh you just arent serious enough about it" because they end up not being able to get through even the first week.

Look at me for example ok. Yes i conquered something in 2008..came out looking great, physically in the best shape of my entire life up until that point. But once it all died down..the hype was gone, lost contact with my trainer (my main and sometimes ONLY positive and strong figure in my life who inspired me) things started slowly going back to how they were. But why was that?

Well...lets look at things for what they were.  Not excuses just facts.

* I lose touch with trainer for whatever reasons..

something that now I have accepted and moved on no biggy..but nevertheless really wasnt something that I believe should have happened that would be truely beneficial to someone with my background. I mean think about it. He helped me get to where I was, was a real big influence in my life for a whole year. He took me from where I was and gave me something to believe in. So he became like this really really important human positive figure in my life that i really truely looked up to and gave me my wings to fly. And then one day out of no where..that doesnt exist anymore.  So that whole "positive" huge influence that I had, someone who really became a true great friend, mentor who built me up.... DONE.

* Had no choice but to leave my job for a year
Because of childcare I had to leave my job(take a leave of absence for a year). At first i thought to myself "this is going to be great"! A nice break from it all! Be able to stay home and be with my children and enjoy them for a year. WRONG so WRONG.
Being home was the worst disasterous thing I had to do. I mean yes I got to spend time with my kids...and I love my kids...but I need ROUTINE and I know that now. Being home without much funds, sometimes going around with nothing in my pocket..watching everything I spend month to month..its alot to swallow. It took away alot of my dignity. And not to mention having all this time to just think about it all...talk about depressing. Thank goodness for "September" is all I have to say to about that...

*Husband works alot and most times not even here
Ok, so been married for the past 8 years. My husband throughout ALL those YEARS has worked nights. Now with 3 young children, it leaves me in a place where I feel very alone most days/nights.
He leaves the house around lets say 9ish in the morning no later...and doesnt return until 11:30-12 am and sometimes even does overtime. Working 6 days a week..sometimes even 7.

Now in the past I guess it didnt bother me as much, but these days...it really does. We have had many talks about this issue..but yet nothing really changes. It leaves me feeling so alone more then people realize. Probably more then I realize. Dealing with the children by myself like many women today, I make sure they are bathed, their homework is done, Make the lunches, take them to acitivities, appointments, taking them to the park...tucking them in alone at bedtime, then heading off to bed myself..not forgetting all the stuff I do to even keep up with household chores.

This leaves me with absolutely no time at all for myself most days. Unlike others..I cannot just go out for a coffee..I cannot just go out alone for a while to collect my thoughts. This is really depressing to me. I cannot help but ENVY others who have their spouses home at night to help or so that they can escape for even an hour. Or even if they dont help, just there as mere company. I have been truely like a single parent and there is nothing I can do about that right now, I know, but, emotionally its not something positive that i deal with day in and out. I just take it day by day.

So these are just a few of my own personal issues that I deal with or have dealt with. Issues that really cause me personally anxiety and sadness,  aloneness, not feeling appreciated for what I do and what I have done. Not exactly the most positive thoughts or feelings that I carry around.

And I think for "me" the thing when searching my inner self..which one of these tops my emotional eating??  It would have to be, being alone without spouse around.

I think this carries me to a really sad place, one which for the past 8 years has affected me obviously not helped me. I mean he was never around so...who is there to look pretty for? I mean if I gain weight or lose doesnt matter I am always alone anyways.  I am not sure how this situation will end..I just now know this has really played a big part on why at times I feel very VERY unhappy. He is a GREAT father, he is a hard worker..but now that I am older I am looking for more then just THAT. AT one point this made me happy or at least I was fine with that, but now i am older, I find that I am looking for that emotional connection that I am obviously not getting from him.

To me knowing that I "have someone" and yet they are never around..versus just BEING truely single..I think I would rather just be single. AT least being single you dont have to always feel down on yourself thinking that maybe you are not important to that "other" person, or carrying feelings of hurt and envy that its all put on you while the other lives their own life.

well..this is my life folks:)

So the whole point to this, to me opening up and getting personal is to give you an example from my own personal life, why I beleive the relationship we have with food has alot to do with our environment and what we choose to surround us with. The emotional eaters out there like myself, we really need to search and find out "why" is it that we turn to food the way we do. And overobsess about it. Usually this means that we are lacking something, or something is not right.

I think I have found mine. Sadly mine isnt something that is so easily reversed at this point or as simple as just changing something. But I think its a start that I know that there is a particular situation in my personal life that is just not working for me, giving me more negative energies and feelings that I need to make some changes to. And on a positive note, I will be returning to work in Sept...(i will be returning to the gym as well...every morning 5 days a week)..I will finally have my me time in the morning again..something desperately needed, and I am really hoping to learn from the past year and become a much more stronger person because of it.

Life is all about learning. Learning what makes you YOU. And its important to really find that inside. What makes you happy, what makes you excel to being the best you can be and bring that out! And to also note, what brings you down in life. And if you notice a pattern or something that does bring you down that you have been sugar coating by eating your way out of it....its not the answer. You need to make adjustments.

Like for me...I once wrote that another good friend of mine...once asked me..when I was finding that I was eating healthy..feeling good and positive...what triggered it? He really noticed and heard through my voice all of a sudden this "positivness" this " I love healthy food" sort of new attitude...compared to not being in control..
So "think Rosy" he said..."what is it that triggered this"? You have to take note. This is so important!

And when thinking I knew exactly what. Because someone out of nowhere thought I was pretty. Someone voiced that to me. Perhaps thats the key in my life and my personal fight with food. Its not often that I will hear something like that..or often that i used to get compliments..and even now with hubby..there is nothing.
When I had the trainer...he voiced many positive things to me..and look how i excelled!! Really look at that friends! There was something that triggered it in me! There was something about that situation that brought me to a place that i have never been.

 I mean that is an example right there! For me and you to see. There was no magic in what we did. There was no sessions of counselling I took part it in, no pills. My trainer was just able to bring out of me, the ME that was just lost. ME that just couldnt see past the everyday. The one that wanted to, but never could. The ME that I not only lost weight..but I actually got to a goal that even if looking in the past I would have NEVER been able to do...I mean to lose 30 lbs is hard..but to have lost 150 almost in just 12 months. No pills..no surgery..just working out..carrying that determination...this was because someone actually believed in ME. Someone was there to say..YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS.. YOU LOOK GREAT..GOOD JOB...They gave me reason to BELIEVE.  Before getting to my actual goal by him and others saying these things..it was like I WAS ALREADY THERE. They helped me find my confidence you know, something I NEVER had. They gave me those compliments that I needed to hear that I never got to hear ever. That aloneness wasnt there anymore. I will never forget those who helped me and brought me to that place.

Never! Even if we dont talk anymore...they will never truely know what that did for me, and how I miss that so. Its an example of how, by changing ones mind, and having the right good people surrounding you, encouraging you..and making you feel like you are #1..how this somehow changes "what you think you can do"...to being not only able to do it ....but somehow magically going ABOVE and BEYOND even that! Is that not AMAZING or what? How your own environment and how those around you can tremendously (by making adjustments needed) change YOU and how you think..just like that?! No meds needed...Its inside each of us, that we ALL carry...that when alter and make adjustments where needed...we can do a complete 360 turnaround.

That is where the actual magic comes in. Its just figuring out what we are lacking and to make the necessary changes adjustments in being truely happy. Sometimes they might be the scariest ones to make, or the hardest ones to face. But in the end you have to face the truth. And thats where the changes start.

anyways, enough tears.
Have a great week everyone! Hope you didnt mind another one of my real deep blog. Sometimes they just come out like that. not planned of course.
But honesty is what makes blogs real. I think anyways.
Love ya
Rosy
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