Every year I go on a search for a fresh diet, one I’ve never tried before, one that isn’t tainted by my failure. It’s getting harder and harder, because I’ve tried so many. Lucky for me, new ones come out all the time. But it’s beginning to feel futile, a search with no happy end.
In my mind, sometimes I feel thin, the way I was at 18: Slim, lithe, attractive, moving through life with grace. I have since gained at least 40 pounds, and I feel every one of them every step I take. They drag me down and make me feel old, even though I am only 49.
Some say we can do nothing about this problem because the cues all around us won’t permit it. Well, it certainly feels that way. But I hate to give away my power, to think that I am just a pawn in the game of advertising and such. On the other hand, the cruel message that although there is food everywhere, we’re supposed to be skinny women or else we look bad—well, that’s just ridiculous.
I am writing about this because as a new year approaches, I feel the need to make a change. Here at Maria’s Last Diet, I know you are all about change, all about making real strides in your life, all about thinking and taking action together, all about “learning how”. I am finally in favor of all of that, mainly because for me, nothing else has worked. And it sounds right to me, and it sounds like something I can do, and it sounds like a way for me to be proactive, rather than being acted upon.
And your most important message for me is that it’s no use losing weight if you just turn around and gain it back. So I, for one, am ready to get off the up and down seesaw, and learn how to get down and stay there for good.
Whatever diet I go on this time, I want it to be my last.