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Denial of Denial

Posted Oct 20 2011 3:31pm
I like when my feelings toward food feel this way, a drift through the day with way less thinking about food.  It's been this way the past few days.  Even though my weight is still up a bit, I'm eating well and having peace with food and it feels good. 

Last night I went to TOPS with Mike.  I did the meeting on "you can accomplish anything in your life" and I thought it went well.  I don't usually talk about my TOPS folks in a negative way on here because I know we all struggle.  But I have a big issue with people in denial about their eating. 

Yes, people can have medical reasons which make losing weight hard.  But honestly I know from experience how you can lie to yourself and others about what you're eating.  I was a big time sneak eater, very few people ever saw me eat in abundance.  I saved my sweet eating for my personal secret time.  Even now I find I still do it on rare occasion. 

So when this woman said her stomach didn't empty the food out (which sounded legit) and she had almost constant indigestion, vomiting and diarrhea I felt bad for her.  But where she lost me was when she said she ate very few calories a day, 500 was referenced.  Now come on no one can continuously eat 500 calories a day for years and weigh about 250 lbs.  The light went off in my head and I pictured myself 4+ yrs ago with my sweets and ice cream and all the foods that went down so easy with no problems.  I believe that is this woman.  A woman that wants to have gastric bypass, yet sits there and claims all the symptoms of a gastric bypass patient already yet can't lose weight.  I don't know if my direct questions will chase her off (again) but I think people have to learn to be honest before they have a chance in hell of losing weight.

I asked my coworkers if they thought I was hard on her and they said no but Mike thought my questions were a bit direct lol.  They were direct but it's so hard now for me to sit by and hear obese people say I hardly eat anything, or I eat really healthy foods or .... Well we all know what we use to say don't we?  I'm guessing we've all been there.  The denial of the denial as Mike calls it.  Anyway, I don't know if she will be back now or come for one meeting then stay away for another month or so again. 

Anyway, the whole thing made me upset and made me question am I a leader or am I just being judgemental.  I guess a part of me wants to wake people like her up.  But then I look at my sisters and I see the same thing.  Have I become judgemental?  I'd like to think only in the cases where people aren't being honest with themselves or me.  For the people that are being real I feel lots of compassion for and want to reach out to and help as much as I can. 

The whole experience just left me not feeling good.  I'm almost hoping either I won't be there next week or she won't be.  I don't know that I could take another discussion with her because I think I would find myself questioning her again trying to get the truth (or what I believe to be the truth).  That's not right of me though is it?  Hmmmm.  I'll try to think about it more.  Like my one friend said about herself today maybe I need tape on my mouth sometimes at TOPS lol.

I'm feeling really tired today but have lots to do tonight.  Good news though, the caulk dried darker so it doesn't look to bad at all.  But that does mean I have to move forward with the rest of the caulking which is a tedious, long job.  Marie has basketball practice again tonight too.  Mike says he's going to finish the painting so I'm hopeful I can put an ad up tomorrow :) oh boy lol.  Not that I'm excited about having people come to see the place.  It always wears me out trying to find a match, but I know I'll manage.

Life is good, I'm feeling pretty good so even though this post doesn't sound like it I'm doing just fine :)  Still haven't made it to the gym or for a walk yet this week though, that's unlike me but I know I'll get there eventually.  Been feeling very anxious to go, almost got up and went at 9 last night maybe if I feel that way tonight I'll just go. 

Hope everyone is having a good Thursday.

Till next time...
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