All right now. Let’s talk about my day today. Overall it was really awesome, even though I got a bit upset there at the end. Such is life. It started out when I woke up at 8am. I was actually awake, peeking at the clock around 730a, and I can’t tell you how rested, and refreshed I felt. All my muscles were repaired from the night before (largely thanks to the Epsom Salt bath!), and I was rearing to get up and go!
I rang up my best friend Billy to come work out with me, and when he didn’t answer, headed downstairs to his door to drag him awake. He had said that he felt enthusiastic about working out with me in the mornings. The boy llliiiiiieeeeddddd! Hehehe….he wanted to sleep! Poor guy, up until 3am…no wonder he was out of it this morning.
Nonetheless, he accompanied me back to my living room, where he said he’d sit this one out, but be here to support me anyway. And then he passed out on the couch. =P It was cute. I took a picture. He said that he looked awful, and his hair wasn’t done…he didn’t want his face picture in the blog, because he didn’t want me to have to explain to ya’ll where he went if he stopped showing up in the mornings. LOL! That kind of goes to show that it IS motivating to blog about what you do, huh?! Here are a few pictures of Billy being supportive. =P Kisses to you Billy!
After Jillian’s workout, who killed me like usual, I got a few things done, and then I walked the dogs: Max (17) and Leo (4). Because Max is so old, we always go slow, and I took some pictures of the dog run, and of the back of my condos. I LOVE the trees and the very blue, beautiful San Diego sky!
We walked around the complex, and Leo went crazy like usual, running up and down staircases, ears perked, in that classic Westie pose: Arched forward, tail up, and ready to attack a lion if need be! Anyway, I hope you enjoy seeing how beautiful nature was to me today, here in San Diego! It’s nice to be able to go outside on a day like this. It really cheers me up to see such beauty. =)
After going slow for the elderly dog, I decided that I would go for a brisk walk with Leo. Did I mention how calm Leo is after our exercise? He’s a terrier, and they NEED exercise. The Dog Whisperer was right…personalities CHANGE when you give a dog exercise! He’s such a calm little lap dog after his walks now!
Anyway, after jogging 4 miles yesterday, walking fast just didn’t seem to cut it in my mind. So I decided to go for another jog! Would it be 4 miles like yesterday? Boy, did I debate that question a lot. I want to push myself, but I also don’t want to hurt myself. So I made a compromise, and jogged for 30 minutes. It was slow, but it was steady. Boy, did I feel the burn! I was sweaty, yucky, icky, nasty! And I felt it work all day long! Every step I take my quads kill me!
Working this hard, I can’t wait to see my numbers on Monday!
After dropping off my hubbys wallet at his work because he forgot it, we went to a sushi place for lunch! This is the first restaurant visit I’ve been to in these four days, and I’m happy to report that I whipped out my scale, and had a weighed and measured lunch!
After lunch, I went to go get some groceries. I had forgotten that in the past, I always get kind of bingey after being at a restaurant! I want to have MORE, because restaurant food is so good! I was at the grocery store shopping, and I have to admit, I spent too much, and I got a couple guilty items: Tartar sauce & a Paul Newman dressing. I get 200 calories a day of extra calories to flavor things…oh darn! I just realized I forgot the lite soy sauce…that’s okay. I’ll get it next time. Don’t want to retain water for the Monday “weigh in” anyway.
I was standing in the grocery store when I felt the storm coming upon me! All those old thoughts and feelings that had left me alone for 3 days were now upon me! “Get more food! You deserve it! Look how wonderful you look all ready! You’ve done so much work, you deserve a treat!” I have to say that I did get a little too much food, and I got a couple of luxury items too. Namely, Paul Newman salad dressing (lite), and tartar sauce. I read the labels, and overall, they’re not bad in moderation. I have 200 calories planned each day for a little more flavor, which is nice…
Anyway, I was in the store fighting these feelings when I thought to myself “That nice lady on wordpress believes in me! And there are a lot of people who are rooting for me! And I have other options. I am NOT going to binge. I am going to get past this!” And well, that was the end of those bingey feelings….for the most part. More to come on that topic.
While shopping at the grocery store, I remembered my conversation with Hubby about Sashimi. You have to get fresh, expensive salmon, that’s never been frozen. So, I bought a little slab of it from the meat department and was very excited to get home and try some!
Apparently there is a difference between sushi quality fish and fish that’s meant for cooking. I didn’t know that. A couple hours after eating it I felt like the entire room was tilting violently, and my stomach was churning…it has seemed to pass for now…but I won’t be surprised if I’m dead come morning.
I really felt kind to myself today, overall though. I feel proud that I’m taking the time to take care of myself, and do the things I need to do to get better. I have no doubt that I wsa quickly headed toward an early death at my weight, and I feel very motivated not to go there yet. It’s amazing how quickly perspectives can change when you start doing what you’re supposed to do.
At 6pm, I had a conversation with a friend who cares about me, and the topic of the blog came up. You can read all about that in Day Four: Part One, if you like. But after that I felt very upset, and so I wrote about it, which helped quite a bit, (not just to vent, but to reaffirm the positive reasons that I’m doing this), and then I called Hubby and told him how sick I felt from the raw salmon.
“You ate WHAT?” were his exact sentiments, I believe. Well…here’s to a yucky learning experience. He’s promised to show me where to go to get sushi quality fish the next time I want to try that. He picked me up, and we went to Hillcrest (Boys Town). We stopped by the wrestling team practice and said hi to all of our friends, and then we felt a little hungry…so guess where we went? Sushi. =P (Did I mention that the aforementioned Hubby is Asian? Yeah…we do sushi a lot. There’s a rice cooker on my counter the size of a car engine!)
I had a little bowl of miso, and an eel roll. I had about 120 calories left for the day, but ended up having around 400. Why did I do it? I wanted some comfort I guess. I liked the idea of the hot soup calming down my stomach, and then I felt sorry for myself. Instead of waiting until I got home and having an apple to finish up my calories, I had an eel roll. I just couldn’t be at a sushi restaurant and not eat! Especially when Hubby was eating! And especially after I was upset by my phone conversation!
Well…I guess I didn’t HAVE to eat. And I commit to really think about this situation. If I’m committed to watching what I eat, and be healthy for the next year, then there are going to be a LOT of future instances where I’m going to be at a restaurant with people, and one plate of food would equal my entire day worth of calories!
I think that restaurants, in general, are evil. But hey…work with what’s out there, right? I can’t change the world, only myself. Besides, I know better. I chose to eat instead of sit down and write my feelings out. I chose the path of food, because I was a little bit hungry (legitimately…but there were other options), and I wanted psychological comfort. It’s okay, I’m not evil…and I’m not doing this program perfectly, I all ready committed to “No perfection”…but I’d still like to do better next time. And I will keep writing down all my struggles and flaws here, every day.
So the deal is: I need to recommit. I feel like now that my little bubble is burst, because some well intentioned person had a pin to poke in my happy balloon, I feel sad, confused, angry, mad, rebellious…all the normal, icky things that people feel when their pride is hurt. And of course that leads to eating. So what is my action plan to get up in 10 hours and work out and have a productive day?
Repeat my favorite mantras:
I can do it!
No one can save me but me!
Whiners need not apply! (Ooh, that’s a new one!)
I am capable of working out, and working out hard. I deserve to get results!
When the going gets tough, the tough get goin!
I like those…I feel slightly better all ready. =)
Next, I will commit to my calorie count, because those are the numbers I need to take weight off. I am not going to do it because I’m fat and I hate myself, or I want to be anorexic…but I want to be healthier. It’s a choice I can empower myself to make. And for that matter, here’s an interesting question: Do I minus 99 calories over the each of the next 3 days to make up for going over by 400 tonight? Is that reasonable or is it paranoid? Do I let it go, and chalk it up to not being perfect? And if I minus the calories to even out my week, will I feel like a perfectionist Nazi, or will I feel like a responsible adult who holds myself accountable?
I will go the middle ground and say that if I really feel like I need the 99 calories tomorrow, I will have them, but I will try to shave that off over the next couple of days. =) How’s that?
Well, here I am, still a little off of my pink cloud, pissed that I had a friend who wanted to show me a bit of their reality…but then again, if it is my reality too, then I have to thank them for the warning….on the other hand, I can think of this as my motivation to believe in what I’m doing, and buckle down to the work, and show him, and myself that this works. I mean, look at what I’m doing! (or was doing)
I’m writing every single day so far! I’m talking about my feelings, I’m reaching out to my new friends…you could call them a fellowship, I am continuing to talk to my friend every day by Telephone, I am reading things that will help me, I’m using a food plan, I’m respecting my friends wishes when they don’t want their faces in my blog (keeping them anonymous), I am letting things go each day because I know I’m not the greatest power out there…I’d say overall, I’m using a lot of positive tools which are helping. And a lot of the reason is because of how this blog is pulling it all together.
Well, “unperfect” (hehe), exhausted, slightly crazy and still committed (Don’t stop at the End! Finish Strong!), I will say goodnight. Thank you for taking this journey with me, and I hope you enjoyed the pictures. I’m not alone, and either are you.