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Day 16: Suicidal? Depressed? Self esteem in the toilet? Did you go swimsuit shopping, too?

Posted Jun 22 2010 9:59pm

Yeah... it was that bad. I meant to order a suit from Lands' End & forgot... I was going to overnight it but there was no more time. See, I'm going with some friends tomorrow to the waterslides in Redding, California so I am REQUIRED TO WEAR A SWIM SUIT. In public. Or get arrested. Since I had waited so long & I live in a small community, I ended up going to Fred Meyers. They seemed to have a good selection- I had eyeballed it while walking by a couple of times. It would be fine, right?

I wanted to wear a two piece suit. I like the convenience of it when going to the bathroom and, in my mind, I thought the tank portion could hide things a little better. That was my Lands' End plan... So I went & found the separate bottoms & tops in sizes I thought would work. Then I entered the "DRESSING ROOM FROM HELL" where I soon forfeited my self esteem. The strides in the bottoms were all too short. And the tops were also... too short. Meaning- THINGS DIDN'T MEET IN THE MIDDLE. Okay.... time for a back up plan. I grabbed a couple of Speedo one-pieces & headed back in. Now I was seeing all of the inner-thigh stuff I never see "in real life" BECAUSE I WEAR CLOTHING. Yikes. And the one pieces I tried on didn't have any.... how shall I say.... extra lining in the chest area. So I looked like I had just walked out of a cooler.

I found the petite blonde who was working the area and asked "do you have ANY plus sized suits?" (this is always a FAVORITE question for ANY woman to ask!! FUN!!) And she said "you know how, next to the swimwear, there's an Oregon Beaver and Ducks athletic section? On the other side of the display wall, over there, are some plus sized suits." It was kind of like when you go to Dillards and the plus-sized-women's-section is on the FIRST floor, no where near the "NORMAL" woman's section, somewhere between the appliances and children's clothing? ARE YOU WITH ME?? So I went to no-fat-woman's-land to look for the suits and yes, they were there... The one I saw was 3 shades of blue with flowers ALL OVER IT... it was a !!HUGE!! one-piece with a !!HUGE!! skirt built in.

Internet... I know you don't know me THAT well, yet... But I'm NOT a crier. I'm tough. I don't hug. I'm a hand shake/no emotion/business-y kind of gal. But right there in Fred Meyers, in the DRESSING ROOM FROM HELL I stood there and thought about crying. (that's as close as I get.) And then I thought "I go out every day, wearing exercise clothing. If I had to go out every day wearing swim suits, I'd never leave the house."

Then, the light bulb went on.

Fred Meyers has an AMAZING selection of fitness clothing. And LOTS of those items are made from the SAME MATERIALS THAT BATHING SUITS ARE MADE OUT OF. Like... my friends Lycra and Spandex!! YES!! YES!! So I went over there and found some solutions. I found a black skort by New Balance that was on clearance and made completely from synthetic materials. Because it is an exercise skort, it is totally longer then the bathing suit bottoms I was trying on and the stride is also much more comfortable. THEN I found a couple of different tank tops that 1) are LONG! Like, I could pull them below my butt if I wanted to and 2) have built in bras! SUPPORT!! and 3) I like the pattern! I do!!

I'm not over-the-moon with my experience. I'm glad it's over. However, I found something I can live with and wear to the park tomorrow. I came home and tried it all on for Eric and Lauren LOVED the outfit. She thought it was "fancy!"
And isn't that what it's all about, anyway?

Because in a couple more years I can look like Christie Brinkley and she STILL won't want to be seen in public with me. That's when I'll bust out the string bikini.

Today I completed an hour of cardio & my outside of the box experience... let's chalk it up to the story above. Tomorrow, I won't be able to go to the gym so it would be a good day to check back & see what the give-away is.....
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