The 180s terrify me. It’s my tripping stone, my stumbling block. It’s where I f*ck up. I’ve only been past the 180s once, and that was back in 2006. The times after that have been unsuccessful. I usually reach about the low 180s, and then I start reverting back to old habits. Even though the 170s are so close, I can never push through and taste victory. I give in and let all my hard work go to waste.
I get bored.
I stop branching out and trying new things. I stop inspiring myself. I stop trying to get better, stronger, and faster. I stop incorporating new exercises and activities. I get tired and lose motivation because the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t getting any brighter or closer. I usually feel like my efforts have been in vain because I’m not at goal weight. I lose sight of all the hard work I’ve put in. Instead of focusing on the process, I only concentrate on the results.
I start craving.
I want my chocolate, my ice cream, my cookies, my cupcakes, my frosting, my cakes, my country fried steak, my carne asada cheese fries. I get fed up with my “diet” and eventually, my mind caves in. I will have one meal where I eat everything imaginable. Then I feel bad. So I have another meal where I eat everything in sight. And pretty soon, I’m back up to the 200s. I let guilt consume me. I let one day dictate a few months’ decisions. Instead of realizing that it’s just one freaking meal, I blow it out of proportion and think it’s the end of the world. It’s really not that big of a deal, but I forget that.
I obsess about the number.
I want to see the pounds drop off. I want to get to the 170s. And when it doesn’t happen, I start freaking out. Everything becomes about the number. Why is it not working? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I lose faster? I start losing motivation because, instead of being concerned with baby steps, I focus on taking gigantic leaps. I forget that many baby steps lead up to one huge leap.
But it’s different now…
I am never bored.
I love what I’m doing, but I incorporate new activities all the time. I love running, but running one mile isn’t exciting for me any more. I will still aim for the 8:30 mile but I don’t get the same thrill from running one mile as I used to. There’s bigger, better fish in the ocean to go after. There’s the 10K, the Half Marathon, a FULL marathon, trail races, Ultramarathons, mud runs, Warrior Dash. The possibilities are endless. There are SO many things out there to train for.You can always be better.
I want to complete a triathlon. I’ve been researching road bikes. I’ve been cycling on the stationary bike, but that’s not enough. I’m mustering up enough courage to get in a swim suit and hop in the pool. It’s coming. Monday.
I love weight lifting, and when compared to Day One , my workouts are extremely different now. I am lifting heavier. I am super and triple setting. I am using the bosu ball. I am doing push-ups. Assisted pull-ups. Deadlifts. I will start incorporating tabata as well as CrossFit exercises.
I read. I research. I watch youtube videos. I look at other people’s training logs. I watch the CrossFit exercise demos and replicate it at home with some light household objects, like a broom, before I attempt it at the gym. I focus on form. And I continuously increase my weights. If I can bench 80 pounds today, I will try 85 pounds the next time. If I can do an assisted pull-up with 100-pounds counter, I will try with 90-pounds next time.
By not being repetitive with my exercises, I am challenging myself on a daily basis and that’s what keeps me inspired. I can see and feel improvement on a small scale, which distracts me from focusing only on the big picture.
I don’t crave.
There’s nothing I can’t have. By refusing to have an “off-limits” list, I just eat what I want, when I want. I bought myself yogurt-covered raisins yesterday from Trader Joe’s and they are heavenly. I thoroughly enjoyed every single piece. Guilt-free eating has liberated me mentally. I don’t feel bad for eating. I don’t feel the need to punish myself, physically or emotionally, for any food-related decisions. Punishing myself got me nowhere. It got me to 263 pounds. I’m loving myself this time.
I realize that I can cook just about every and anything. I can make carne asada cheese fries. I can make pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets, burgers. You name it. My taste buds are no longer slave to the fast food industry or restaurants. What they can make, I can too. It doesn’t take talent, only dedication and practice. I learned to enjoy cooking. I find it fun to alter recipes and add my own twist to familiar dishes. I love finding new things to try. I am constantly writing down vegetables that I’ve never had before. Brussels sprouts. Fiddleheads. Ramps.
I stalk Foodgawker every day, but instead of being jealous of what other people are eating, I just make my own version later. I have finally developed a balanced, loving relationship with food. It’s no longer my enemy. It’s a loving friend who wants to nourish me, mentally and physically.
I don’t obsess about the number.
I am more than just a number. The 180s don’t define what I can do. If I keep working at it, I know the pounds will come off. It’s only a matter of time, and I’m not too concerned with how long it’ll take because I know it’s a lifelong journey. What’s one year in the grand scheme of things?
Just because the 180s tripped me up in the past doesn’t mean I will let it hinder me again. I am more disciplined, more determined, and simply much better than that. I am not going to let the 180s become my tripping stone again. I will keep working hard. I will continue to strive to be better.
I won’t give up. I’ve come too far already to call it quits.
What is your tripping stone?
THE DAILY BITE
Insalata Caprese – Dinner: slices of tomato, fresh mozzarella cheese, and basil topped with balsamic vinegar.
Asparagus, Ground Beef and Feta Pasta – Dinner: pasta with sauteed garlic, onions, mushrooms, asparagus, cherry tomatoes, ground beef, ground pork, parsley, and lemon juice topped with feta cheese.
Consumption: 2109 calories, 53.7g of fat.
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Workout: Deadlifts. Romanian deadlifts. Walking lunges. Assisted pull-ups.
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I ran a trial 5K run and finished 3 miles in 30:45. No more running until Sunday!