Coming clean. It's hard. I feel like I've been in a slow decline. I fight and fight to gain ground, and I slip in my own stupidity.
Unfortunately, it's not my WEIGHT going down... it's my spirits and my will.
I have NO excuses. I have only myself to blame. It's obviously up to ME to make this happen. NO ONE is doing it for me.
Soooo.... why am I not doing it?
I couldn't tell you. I have no idea.
How can I possibly expect to help people with their weight loss battle when I can't conquer my own?
After my surgery, the best thing I experienced was not my weight loss. It was the freedom of being off the yo-yo cycle. Not thinking about food. Just going on with my daily life, eating what I knew to eat, and nothing else. It was SO freeing. It felt amazing.
I just want that feeling back again. I want to be free. I want to just eat what I know to eat, and be done with it.
I am obsessing. I am stressing. It's awful.
I was going to quit my challenge, because I feel like I am letting my fellow challengers down, and especially out leader, Allan . I was told there are NO QUITTERS. And it made me feel better. Because, I can't quit. I can't quit the challenge, I can't quit exercising and tracking and TRYING.
I can never ever quit trying.
Tomorrow morning I am going to my amazing, beloved Tuff Girl Bootcamp. I am SO excited to go there and sweat my whining out. I need a good, whippin', apparently! And, I have a feeling I'll get it tomorrow morning.
I will never stop trying. I will never quit. I can't be "that" WLS person who gains all their weight back.
I will never be the IFG again.
I'll be here, complaining updating this weekend on how the hell I am going to get my shit moving again.