Been Bloggin' a lot lately... Must have a lot to say. That or I am so incredibly bored from reading week. I dunno. Haha
As of today, I am swearing off Boys. "What a ridiculous claim", some might say, but I truly believe it is the answer to finding happiness within myself, and lets face it. Every guy (*ahem* boy), I have chosen since Matthias hasn't worked out well in my favor. I am starting to see a trend with the guys I see, and this needs to stop Right Meow.
All of them have been lazy, unmotivated, and not willing to put in any effort or commitment. Not to say they haven't been nice guys, they have all been very nice, just not at the same level as I am.
I am smart, funny, semi-confident (confident in personality, kinda O.K. with my looks), motivated, accomplished (at 20, I am the president of my school's Nursing Society, plus at the age of 21 I will be a Registered Nurse, WOAH!), kind, caring, compassionate, romantic, and fairly easy to please.
Whilst discussing my annoying love life with a friend she pointed out that she didn't think I was ready to make a commitment and this is why the guys I am attracting are bad-news-bears. This pretty much stopped me in my tracks and made me think... Yeah, that sums it up.
I was committed for 5 years of my adolescent/young adult life. Now don't get me wrong, they were a good 5 years and I am so incredibly thankful that Matthias and I are moving on and are good friends, but this has kind of turned me off commitment, hence the guys I am attracting only want to be the ever lovely Friends-With-Benefits.
Now, for the first few months I was Okay with the whole idea, and some days even now I am Okay with it. It is nice knowing people want to be intimate with you, but with no intimate emotions attached.
I did Okay with them too... In the first one He got emotionally attached and I didn't, so it ended. The second one (The lovely Jake), still has me thrown for a loop. We never did anything of that nature, we just hung out, but I still like him, all these months later, I still think of him every day, regardless of the fact that I had a semi-boyfriend for a while.. Anyways, the last one was supposed to be just plain old FWB, but it turned in to kind of more.. but I didn't feel he was of my standards so right when I was going to end it he moved away, Problem solved.
Looking at that colorful history pretty much confirms what my friend had said all along...
I decided I was going to go at it alone, at least for my coming 6 week clinical, because lets face it, I am just too busy for a guy.
So my elementary school crush randomly starts talking to me on Facebook. Shit. He's a hottie. I want to hang out with him. So I bring it up, and he starts to get all technical saying things like "What do we call this, a date?" Blah.. Blah.. Blah. "Lets not call it anything" - My response. Fail.
He stood me up. Then had the nerve the next day to ask if I was eventually hoping to date him or if we were just going to be... Drum-roll-please... Yup, you guessed it, Friends With Benefits.
WHAT!? I hadn't even hung out with the kid yet, how the hell was I supposed to know what I wanted?! Is this seriously the signal that I am sending out to every member of the Opposite sex?
Hey now, don't worry about me, I am DTF but not to date.
I don't want to put that message out. It is a terrible message to project, and it is so not me. That being said, I also don't want to commit to anything because I don't have the time or energy, and I haven't met any one worthy of the effort.
That's a lie. Jake was worth the effort and still is. If only the bastard hadn't left. Haha Oh man, Stay positive Amie, It's making you a stronger gal.
All in all, my conclusion stands. No boys, men, guys for me. I am done with lowering my standards for anyone. I deserve to be taken on a real date and to be "woo-ed". If I meet the guy willing to put in the effort, I will be equally as willing, but right now that looks bleak.
I need to be happy on my own before I can be happy with someone else. I am every so slowly getting there! :)