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Beauty Booty: Secret Clinical Strength Deodorant

Posted Jan 07 2010 5:00am

I hate shopping for deodorant/antiperspirant. That aisle makes my head explode. There are so many options, so many fragrances, and I do not have a point of reference for what I need. I usually pick a brand I think I like — I can never seem to remember what the last one I used was — and then pick a label that sounds useful — “invisible solid”…hmm, OK, why not? — and just hope for best. And it’s never a huge issue because I am one of the least sweaty people I know. Sometimes I don’t particularly like what I’ve bought — one in particular always felt slimy by day’s end — but I can never seem to remember what works and what doesn’t when I’m faced with all those options.

Recently, a bunch of deodorant companies came out with their new “Prescription Strength” super-duper deodorant. I wasn’t entirely sure why I needed it, but I just kept seeing it in ads, so I wanted to try it. Except, depending on the store, it costs $8- 10! Given that I’m the kind of person who can forget to apply it and still have people willing to sit next to me on the bus, I couldn’t justify it. But when I ran out of my old stuff…and had a Rite Aid gift card…I knew the time was right!

Of course, I was still faced with the brand and scent issue. (It is “scent” by the way…not “flavor.” I used to work at Bath & Body Works and when customers would ask about “flavors,” I just wanted to ask them how it tasted.) I had to narrow things down. First, I decided against Dove, because I really don’t like their deodorant too much (I’ve tried it like ten times because I always think it’s going to feel all lovely and natural…it always just makes my skin itch and it’s gross and dry and crumbly). I think I generally buy Secret, so I went with that. Then I had to select a type from the four options: Waterproof, Sport, Sensitive Skin, and Original. The ingredients were the same on each. I’ll admit, Sport was tempting. I mean, the only time I work up a sweat is when I’m working out, and the word “Sport” made me think I was an athlete. But the words “Marathon Fresh Scent,” were a huge turn-off. First, there’s nothing fresh about a marathon scent, as far as I can tell. And second, I was afraid it would smell disgusting, in an effort to make beefy, burly women smell like girlie-girls. I’m putting this on my shaven underarm, thank you very much! Ugh…nope, couldn’t do it. Waterproof seemed silly, as I never get wet, and all deodorant/antiperspirant is like…sweat-proof. And I don’t have sensitive skin. So…Original. “Powder Protection Scent.” How…unoriginal.

Still, I was so excited to use it, after seeing it in all my magazines. I wanted to get really sweaty, like just drenched, and walk into the locker room basically in a puddle of my own sweat, and lift my arm, and there I’d show all the other women around me my miraculously Sahara-esque pits and dry shirt.

So it comes in a pretty big box…I’d say about seven or eight inches. When I got home and opened the box, I was shocked that the actual deodorant is only four inches tall. Whaaaaaaa? I felt like I had just gone home with a black guy and then, like, mid-makeout, he’s saying, “Oh, by the way, my dad’s white.” It really looks like it’s going to be bigger.

But oh well. I had paid my $10. There was no turning back!

Now, again, I’m a very un-perspiring person. I rarely “drip sweat” like the Ying Yang Twins rap about girls doing. I don’t ever check myself for fear of wet spots. I don’t really sweat unless I’m in the gym or I’m playing sports in the deep south on the hottest day of the summer. I’m not saying this to make you think I’m special; I simply want you to know that this is the review of a kinda sweatless girl.

Well, I have to say, after using the Secret Clinical for a week….it is different than the others. And it is good!!

I actually notice the biggest difference not when I’m working out, but when I’m just going about my daily activities. I just feel so dry. It’s like, before, even with my lack of much sweat, at the end of the day, I still would re-apply if I were going to go out. You just get that little bit of less-than-fresh dampness. However, that is not the case with the new Secret! It dries and then you are just dry from there on out. I’m amazed! When you do start to sweat, it’s not like you can smell it “come on” and start working, something that really bothers me. It doesn’t smell too deodoranty; it’s just clean..it smells like a girl should smell!

So, despite the higher price tag and the totally misleading packaging, I’m actually going to keep buying this! I’m excited about my newly found extra-dryness and really happy that the trip down that aisle just got that much easier.

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