Sure, I needed to realize I had a problem. What is so obvious to many people is not obvious to the one looking in the mirror sometimes. I knew I was overweight but I could always have been bigger. I knew my eating was out of control but I knew I could eat more. What was my problem was sometimes pawned off on society by me. If McDonald’s was not open……if portions were smaller, if gyms were more convenient….if….
How many “If’s” was it going to take for me? I did not realize I had a problem until it hit me one day. I have a problem with food.
It is not like you can stop eating food. You kind of need it to survive. What was a love and passion for me for so long turned into a huge hatred for it. I hated to eat, but did. I hated myself. I hated everything around me.
I loved to blame my problems on everyone else. But who could I blame at my highest weight?
Myself. I could not blame society or my parents or my wife or anything else. I had a problem. Everyone in life has some sort of problem. How do you handle it?
You work on it. It is an ongoing battle.
After losing the weight I felt guilty. Guilty for the way I lived my life. Guilty for the food I still wanted to eat. Guilty for wanting to work out each day for two hours instead of doing other things.
I have learned a lot since losing the weight. About myself. About balancing life. I am not perfect, but no one is. Or, maybe I am perfect and everyone is. I am not sure.
Writing seems to help me lately because I am getting better with putting my thoughts out. This post is written on Saturday, which is a huge blogging taboo. Bloggers like to schedule posts and take off weekends. Saturday has been known for the “day blog posts go to die”.
But I need to know that apologizing for my failures or my cravings or my stupid trigger foods never helped me.
Doing something about it was and is the best apology around. Succeeding while failing numerous times did.
It is funny. I used to look at spilled milk and wonder who did it.
Now I do not care. I just get on my knees and clean it up.