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An Exercise from NS and the Daily Dose

Posted Aug 10 2005 12:00am

This exercise was suggested in the Daily Dose on April 14, 2005. I did it then and am copying it so that others may benefit from it.

Name three feelings that come up often in your everyday situations that make you want to eat, even when you're not hungry (i.e. guilty, ashamed, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed, etc.).

1. Feeling that everyone is ignoring me.
I hate feeling like others are ignoring me. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just paranoid, but mostly I do tend to be ignored. You'd think by now I'd be used to it. I mean ... when one is as big as I am most of the time others look like past you. It is like I don't exist and I don't matter. And that makes me sad because I have always been the person you meet on the street that looks into your eyes, smiles, and says "hello" or at least nods in acknowledgement. It kills me to be treated like I am insignificant and don't matter.

In the past, this would for sure be a trigger to eat. Now I try to tell myself that those who treat me like that should not matter to me. I am worth being acknowledged. I am worth having someone say "hello" and if they want to pretend that a 475 lb woman doesn't exist, that's their problem, their issue, their loss. And I have to say, on the whole, I think I am a wonderful and caring person and if someone doesn't take the time to get to know me, they honestly are missing out. I give 100% of me to others every single minute of every single day. (It's something I'm working on because in the past I've left me behind but I know there's a way to balance it and by golly, I'm going to find it!)

2. Anger and frustration make me want to eat.
Funny, but the two emotions are forever linked in my mind. It takes very little to frustrate me but it takes a whole lot to anger me. Yet ... my anger is generally born of my frustration. I don't really get mad at myself but I do get disappointed in myself. If I let that disappointment grow, it can lead to frustration but rarely to anger. Does any of that even make sense? Am I rambling on, here?

Again, in the past I would let others control how I dealt with being angry. My husband hated it when I yelled and slammed doors so I turned to food to stuff down the frustration and anger. Slowly, I am learning that I don't have to eat when I'm that pissed anymore. I can chew gum, I can get my body up off my big booty and move, I can listen to some calming music and just let it go. There is still an urge to eat here, but I know it and I do not give in.

3. Extreme feeling of boredom makes me want to eat.
When I am bored, it seems nothing helps to pass time like eating does. I have never understood that about me. I get bored. I fix something to eat and that really only fills a few moments because let's face it ... I grew up in a family of six that grew to eight when mom remarried and if you didn't eat fast, you got no seconds and I was a 'growing girl' so I wanted my second serving! ... I can clear chow in no time flat if I want to. So just a few moments after eating to rid myself of boredom, I am back to being bored. What do I do then? Eat something else? I didn't usually, but some do.

Now I am finding that I try to do other things when I'm bored. Eating is always a last resort for me and I will not allow myself to eat just because I'm bored. Now if the boredom goes hand in hand with it's about time to eat anyway ... I'm likely to cave! I am only human after all.

I like when NS gives me an opportunity to explore my thoughts and feelings about things. I think it is a great way to examine where I was, where I am, and how to get beyond whatever is going on. Life is kind of funny like that. Anyway .... hope I didn't bore you to tears. I was just in a reflective mood this morning and thought I'd share.

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