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An Emotional Friday

Posted Dec 05 2008 8:29pm
I am just having one of those days. My father had hip replacement surgery, which isn't supposed to be an alarming surgery. My Mother told me not to come because I do have 2 small children and a business. Basically if I am not at work, I am at home with kids.
I was having a great morning, ate a good breakfast, worked out at the gym. Did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned my room, cleaned the kids rooms, changed the beds, made lunch, but both kids to sleep for a nap, and BAM! my Mother calls and says that my Dad is having a hard time coming out of the surgery, that he wasn't breathing good and that there may be something wrong with his heart. At this point, my mom is sobbing on the phone and my heart is literally falling into my stomach. I don't talk too much about them, mainly because my Mother is the reason why I started to have an weight issue. But my Dad and I have always maintained a great relationship, and I am not ready for any of that to end anytime soon.

All my instincts wanted to run to the hospital, but my Mother insisted on me staying at home, stating that there was nothing for me to do there, and he wouldn't even know that I was there, and that if anything changed, she would call me right away. The thought did occur that if I were to go, I would be sitting in some sort of waiting room with her, and I seriously would probably want to gouge my eyes out, or hers, so I took advice and stayed.

IMMEDIATELY, I found myself standing in front of my kitchen pantry. I was scanning all the shelves for ANYTHING. The good part of this whole post, is I caught myself. I literally just ate lunch with the kids, so I wasn't hungry. And also, I haven't been buying a whole lot of "comfort" or "junk" food so there was really nothing to binge on.

I am however, eating some Wheat Thins, as I write this with a crisp glass of Riesling, only because I feel that I am more than deserved.

As of this moment, my Dad is still in ICU, but the Nurses are seeing some progress. So, I am okay for now, and I do believe that he will be much better in the morning.

I do plan on going first thing to see him. I cannot stay all day because my Husbands' Uncle died, and the funeral is tomorrow. I really don't know this Uncle all that well, so I am staying behind to watch all of the kids, so tomorrow should really chalk up to a fun day. I am not sure if you can read my sarcasm in that last sentence.

I guess what I wanted to post tonight, is that I am starting to see where I am using food to stuff myself for all the wrong reasons. I had a lot of nervous energy today, and I kept going back to the pantry or fridge, and I did notice that I was doing it. I guess I am starting to change. I think before this process, I never really would have notice that before.

I hope all your weekends are going to be better, and thank you everybody for your support! (Basically, thanks for making me sane!)
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