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A giant soda rant (or a rant on giant sodas)

Posted Jun 01 2012 7:07pm


This started out as a comment on my pal Kenlie's blog at All The Weigh . She asked her readers what they thought about New York Mayor Bloomberg's proposed ban on sugary sodas the size of a toilet bowl (my description).

Plus I didn't get to share my Photoshop fever dream of Harold Lloyd hanging onto the straw of a giant soda.

I chimed in, because I'm an insufferable supernanny about subjects like this. ("Who the hell doesn't wear a seat belt!" "Put your child in a carseat, idiot mom!" "Wear a motorcycle helmet and preserve what's left of your brain, moron!" "If I wanted to inhale your cigarette smoke I'd french kiss you!" Stuff like that goes through my head. I am not moderate in my internal dialogues.)

But was I satisfied with my spiel? Noooo. So here goes:

We spent last weekend at Universal Florida and all I wanted to do was smack the monster turkey legs and soda vats out of the hands of the obese 7-year-olds stuffed into rental strollers.

And I’m not exaggerating.

A trip to one of America’s fine theme parks lets you know that we’re incredibly unhealthy and unwilling to change our eating habits on our own. While soda is unlimited if you buy a special giant refillable mug, water drinkers have to shell out $3 for every 16-ounce bottle. That’s where the priorities are.

Talk all you will about self-control and willpower food manufacturers have worked long and hard in their labs tweaking their secret recipes and special sauces to short-circuit all those biological controls. High fructose corn syrup is not as pure and simple as boiled down amber waves of corn.

Seat-belt laws, speed limits, motorcycle-helmet laws (except in bonehead Florida), open-container laws, smoking bans, texting-while-driving bans (again, not in Florida)  all are similar in that the government would prefer you not kill yourself. Limiting the size of sugared sodas is similar.

I pretty much never drink soda -- regular or diet -- but last week I had had my share of bottled water at a Marlins game and went for the refillable giant cup of diet soda. Feeling the need to get my money's worth, I drank two of them, or about half a gallon of diet soda.

{Urp}

I felt like crap for the rest of the night. What the hell possessed me to drink that much soda? It was sweet, it was fizzy. It was addictive, I guess.

Did no one watch HBO's The Weight of the Nation? People decry Bloomberg's action as a "nanny state" move. Well, America needs “nannying” because its bad habits are far too entrenched and we're not going to change on our own.

(Stepping off biodegradable soapbox now …)

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