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A Brief Honeymoon, a Sordid Affair, and a Lifelong Marriage

Posted Apr 09 2009 7:13pm
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Eight weeks ago, I committed myself to losing weight... again. And for the first 7 weeks, I was enjoying a "honeymoon" of sorts. Staying "on plan" was so easy I barely gave it a second thought. I faithfully recorded my calories each day, and I did my best to fit exercise into my routine. I was having no cravings, and junk food of any sort was just not appealing to me in any way. The weight was coming off quite easily... and last Wednesday I was happy to report a total loss of 26.4 pounds.

But something happened. Temptation coupled with cravings. That's how it all began. And it ended with more kisses than a girl could count. It was more than a one night stand... but it could never lead to true happiness and fulfillment.

Last Wednesday night... my old love returned with full force. I opened the freezer door... and saw a half empty bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups staring back at me. And I wanted them. For the first time in 7 weeks... I wanted to unwrap every one of those delicious little babies, bite into them, and savor the taste of chocolate and peanut butter melting in my mouth. And that's what I did. Lord help me... that's what I did! And then I remembered the bag of Hershey Kisses in the Tupperware container in the cupboard. And I dove into them and ate more than I care to admit!

Why, why, why... after 7 weeks of being perfectly "on plan" did I suddenly have this craving for chocolate and desire for mindless eating???

At the time... I didn't even stop to think about it. I just gave in to the temptation and craving with reckless abandonment. And sad to say... that trend continued for several days. I finally finished off the Hershey Kisses Monday night. The Reese's Peanut Butter Cups met their final doom Friday night. And... oh... don't let me forget to mention the pizza I ate Monday night and Tuesday night... or the bag of chips I consumed in record time.

For the past week... I have been out of control with my eating. I have wanted to eat anything and everything that I have denied myself up until last Wednesday. But what's weird is that in that first seven weeks... I did not even WANT to eat any of that stuff!

I started to think about what was going on. And deep down... I already knew what was wrong. It was stressing out about a family situation over which I had no control. And I suddenly found myself returning to my abusive former lover... emotional eating.

They say confession is good for the soul... so that's why I'm putting all this out here. Hopefully it will be good for my body, too!

I should have weighed myself today... but I didn't. I was scared to see a gain on the scale, and I just didn't feel like dealing with it. I'm slowly trying to get back on track this week... and so far today I've done well. I know that if I make it through today... tomorrow will be easier and I can get my momentum going again. I've got to nip this in the bud... because I do not want to sabotage myself and regain all the weight that I've already lost... a pattern that has recurred far too many times in my life.

One more thing to confess... I did not even TRY to get back on track until all the Hershey Kisses, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, pizza, and chips were gone. By "gone," I mean eaten by me. I wanted them, I liked the taste, and I enjoyed eating all that crap. But I hate how the junk made my body feel... and I hate what going off plan did to me emotionally. I hate that some of my hard work was for naught... and now I have to go back and re-lose God only knows how many pounds.

So... there you have it... a tale of a 7-week honeymoon followed by a week-long affair. And now I'm ready for the "marriage." It's not going to be as carefree as the honeymoon... or as exciting as the affair. It rarely is... hehe. But in the long run... the rewards of my hard work and commitment to guilt-free, healthy living will make it all worthwhile!

And... I promise to weigh in next Wednesday come h*ll or high water!
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