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52 Days To Go - Judging Me, Judging You

Posted Feb 18 2011 10:53am
Last night, Dave and I did our first workout at the gym in 6 days since I've been sick. Since I've been sick, he's been home with me every night to take care of me while I'm coughing up a lung. After going to the doctor on Wednesday, I found out that it was my asthma and the start of bronchitis. They gave me meds to clear it all up, and I am feeling much better. The cough is slowly, but surely going away and I am actually a functioning member of society again. Yay!

While waiting for a phone call from my ex-bff (still crossing my fingers, hoping that she calls), I began thinking about other things. One thing in particular. Why do people think that I'm such a "snob?" Within the past 6 months, all I've heard "from the grapvine" is that someone said I'm snobby. I want to know where that comes from.

I'll be honest. I have had a good life growing up. My parents weren't exactly poor or anything, but they weren't rich either. I was always told that we were upper-middle class. And, coming from the Bay Area, that's a good thing. I never really thought much about it until I moved to the Central Valley.

I feel like everytime I meet someone new that they're instantly judging me by the way that I look and where I come from. I don't understand why, though. I'm not a mean person. I'm never rude to anyone. I am quiet and a little shy, but being an introvert should never be confused with being a "snob." I don't wear the best of clothes, but I know how to make what I have work. (I shop at Old Navy, Target, and Walmart, too!) I never walk around talking about everything that I have (which really isn't too much, lol) I just feel like a lot of people judge me.

My feelings of being "judged" have constantly been confirmed, and I'm still not understanding it. One example...A few weeks ago I was with my husband at one of his friends' house. We were hanging out and one of his friends' friends (someone who I had JUST met that day) said she didn't have a hair tie and wanted to know if she could borrow one. I didn't have an extra one on me, but I knew that she needed one. So, I took the hair tie out of my OWN hair and gave it to her. I thought that I was being nice and helpful. Though I was somewhat shy since I had met two new people that night, I thought that they were nice and I still attempted to make conversation. A few days ago, I was told that the girl who I gave the hair tie to thought that I was nice, but that I thought that they were low class, or something like that.

W.T.F.

I'm still trying to re-cap the whole hour that I spent there that night where I may have come across as thinking someone was low class. I just don't see it. I was nice to everyone in the room and tried to make conversation. I even gave up my own hair tie to help someone else out. And still, I learned that SHE thought that I was judging her?

I feel that it's unfair that I was being mis-judged. Or therefore, judged at all. I didn't judge her by the way that she looked or anything. I even told my husband on the way home that everyone was nice. But, what did I do to make her think that?

I'm starting to feel like no matter how nice or helpful I can be, I'm still being judged. Perhaps it's the insecurities of others coming out, and their only defense mechnaism is to find a fault with me. Or maybe they think that my kindness and helpfulness is insincere because they're not used to it. Whichever it may be, I'm not going to stop being myself. I'm still going to be nice, polite, and helpful. If people want to judge me, that's fine. But, perhaps they should take a step back and take a look at themselves before they decide to make presumptions about me.
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