Today was probably the one day that I didn’t want to go to work. This is a rare occurrence since I love my job. It’s hard work most of the time, but when it runs you haggard, it makes it a bit harder to get out of bed, and not get back in it.
I was surprised when I left yesterday morning and saw this on the dash…
Whattttt?? Is it not almost July?! Goodness gracious! But even though the temps were that low, the plants were showing off their summer colors!
How gorgeous are these?! I was loving the vibrant colors! They were amazing with the amount of land they covered!
Breaks my heart it’s going to be torn up and turned into wind turbine farms…major sad face.
Makes for pretty food backdrop, right?
Not only were the flowers pretty, but there were horses!
And BABIES!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!
The scenery from yesterday made the 4am wake up call bearable, but this morning, this was the only thing that kept me going:
Beautiful pinyon pine with canyona live oak…and lots of chickadees. I love chickadees.
The past two weeks have not been my best. I know I haven’t been around much because I haven’t been blogging, and there are many reasons. Most of all I haven’t had time, but there are other things to factor in that have kept me away.
1. Mean Comments: I’m still getting them and trying to ignore them, but it’s hard. When you’re having a bad day, filled with ED thoughts and someone emails you about how fat you are, it doesn’t make for easy days in the brain. Being called a hypocrite is never easy either, so I’ve been working hard at trying to ignore those remarks
2. Food Guilt: My schedule has been crazy with mad wake up times and no time at home to actually sit down and eat a meal. I have a bad habit of setting specific times that meals can be eaten before it scares me, so to eat breakfast so early (4.45am) and be hungry again at 8am and it’s not where near lunch, makes me nervous. I know I can eat a morning snack, but I normally don’t. so to try and adjust for that kinda put me over the edge. You put that anxiety on top of being tired and working a lot, it doesn’t make for a good conclusion.
In addition to the time thing, I’ve also been eating basically the same 8 things for the past three weeks: PB&J, smoothie in a bowl, cereal with banana, veggie sandwiches, and a few other things. I’m trying to get my food mojo back but it hasn’t happened and it makes me frustrated. But the biggest thing about eating the same few things is that I end up knowing the calorie count and we all know how calorie counting can drive me crazy. It’s been hard to give up and is still hard to this day.
3. Exercise Guilt: This one kind of baffles me, because I’m been exercising everyday for almost two weeks, whether it’s running or hiking, which I think would keep me content. But maybe that’s just it, that I’ve been exercising so much that I feel like I can’t stop…know what I mean.
I went and saw my counselor today and although I didn’t discuss this much, probing into my being overworked plays in to so much how these feelings are coming out. Like I’ve talked about before, control is an issue with my ED and by being worked so much and not having control of certain things, it makes things a bit harder…
I don’t know much about where this Side Note is going but well, I guess I just needed to write all these things out. Bah. Excuse my rant. ]]