As much as I was hurting last night, after working through today and reflecting on the problems as of late, I know I can climb back up from the fall I have taken.
I have realized that I just need to take my time, look at things from a different perspective when I look at them badly, ask for help when warranted even when I think it’s not, and just breathe.
Breathing is always good.
My brain may have taken it’s mentality over the edge and I took it out on myself physically, but that is over. But as much as I’m done punishing myself physically, I need to work hard on not hurting myself mentally. My mentality is in a very strange area, and it’s not sure where to turn. I feel like I’m standing in one of my plots out in the middle of no where and I can’t figure out where North is. Or South. Or East. Or West.
I have played with the idea of seeing someone professional over the years after seeing a counselor when I was in college, but I have always been afraid. I remember believing back then that by going to a counselor that meant that this was real, my ED was real and that I was messed up. I know that that I have an ED and don’t deny it. But I’ve believed since then, over the years, that I would be able to heal myself with all the knowledge of ED’s that I have, but I don’t believe that’s the case. Yes, I know an insane amount of information about ED’s but as much as I know, it’s not helping me get any better.
Again, I have been contemplating seeing a professional but I’m scared. I’m terrified and feel like going to one is going to be a burden on myself financially. But I know that it will be worth it in the long run. I have talked to Brad and a few others in the past about this, how having an unbiased opinion will help me and have someone dissect my brain to really see the underlying reasons for why I am still affected by my ED will help me.
But I’m scared. I’m scared to death to let someone in like that. I remember when I first met my counselor all I could do was cry, and cry hard. It’s easy for me to talk to so many of you online, in person and on the phone…but something about a professional…
Have you seen a professional? Anywhere from a dietician, nutritionist, counselor or other? How did you go about doing it? How did you feel? What did you think? ]]
Today was a great day! We found what we’ve been looking for and now I hope there will be more! Yay!
Quick photo recap of today’s eats:
Breakfast: Apple and Cinnamon Oats with TJ’s Flaxseeds and PB! That stuff is tasty! The flaxseeds add a lot of extra nuttiness to the pb!
Snack: Homemade trail mix that included thompson raisins, golden raisins, cranberries, cherries, chocolate chips, pb chips, pepitas, lightly salted cashews and lightly salted peanuts. I had a nice handful!
Look who I encountered! SHEEP!
Lunch: Sheepherder’s bread with Artichoke Hummus, 1/2 piece of cheddar cheese, tomato, cucumber and lettuce. And an orange. And more Homemade TM!
We walked almost 9 miles of hills today so I was pooped when I got home! I really wanted yogurt and berries but I’m out, and with being gone this weekend I didn’t want to buy my big container and let it spoil. So I had to leave that part out: Strawberries and Natural’s Honey O’s.
There was also a handful of dark chocolate edamame and raisins that went into my belly afterwards.
I was super excited for dinner because I was inspired from watching an episode of Everyday Italian the other day. Giada made a frittata with pasta in it and it sparked my creative vibes:
Why not make a quiche but use leftover pizza as the crust?
Oh heck yeah I did.
Well, I tried.
It didn’t come out as well as I had hoped, first of all because I used the wrong kind of pan. We don’t have a skillet yet and only a regular sized saucepan so I had to use that…and it became a bit hard to flip and take out of the pan.
Anyhow, it still tasted great! I laid down two pieces (they’re all small) of my leftover cheese-less pizza then topped it off with two whipped eggs with added broccoli and cauliflower. After I took that part out of the pan I laid down two more pieces of pizza and flipped the first part on top of it. Sadly I overcooked it a bit…see the burned part. It just meant it was extra crispy!
But the best past of today?! Look what I saw in the local town newsletter: The First Self Serve Yogurt Store!!!
Obviously you know where I’m going to be on the 27th. Along with the Farmer’s Market that starts that day too! Who could ask for a better day next week! AHHHHH!!!
Now to start my weekend…with sleep. Then more madness like last weekend…fingers crossed I live through all of it!