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Climbing Back Up

Posted May 20 2010 10:17pm

[[Side Note: Climbing Back Up

As much as I was hurting last night, after working through today and reflecting on the problems as of late, I know I can climb back up from the fall I have taken. 

I have realized that I just need to take my time, look at things from a different perspective when I look at them badly, ask for help when warranted even when I think it’s not, and just breathe.

Breathing is always good.

My brain may have taken it’s mentality over the edge and I took it out on myself physically, but that is over.  But as much as I’m done punishing myself physically, I need to work hard on not hurting myself mentally.  My mentality is in a very strange area, and it’s not sure where to turn.  I feel like I’m standing in one of my plots out in the middle of no where and I can’t figure out where North is.  Or South.  Or East.  Or West.

I have played with the idea of seeing someone professional over the years after seeing a counselor when I was in college, but I have always been afraid.  I remember believing back then that by going to a counselor that meant that this was real, my ED was real and that I was messed up.  I know that that I have an ED and don’t deny it.  But I’ve believed since then, over the years, that I would be able to heal myself with all the knowledge of ED’s that I have, but I don’t believe that’s the case.  Yes, I know an insane amount of information about ED’s but as much as I know, it’s not helping me get any better.

Again, I have been contemplating seeing a professional but I’m scared.  I’m terrified and feel like going to one is going to be a burden on myself financially.  But I know that it will be worth it in the long run.  I have talked to Brad and a few others in the past about this, how having an unbiased opinion will help me and have someone dissect my brain to really see the underlying reasons for why I am still affected by my ED will help me.

But I’m scared.  I’m scared to death to let someone in like that.  I remember when I first met my counselor all I could do was cry, and cry hard.  It’s easy for me to talk to so many of you online, in person and on the phone…but something about a professional…

Have you seen a professional? Anywhere from a dietician, nutritionist, counselor or other?  How did you go about doing it?  How did you feel?  What did you think? ]]

~~

Today was a great day!  We found what we’ve been looking for and now I hope there will be more!  Yay!

Quick photo recap of today’s eats:

Breakfast: Apple and Cinnamon Oats with TJ’s Flaxseeds and PB!  That stuff is tasty!  The flaxseeds add a lot of extra nuttiness to the pb!

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Snack: Homemade trail mix that included thompson raisins, golden raisins, cranberries, cherries, chocolate chips, pb chips, pepitas, lightly salted cashews and lightly salted peanuts.  I had a nice handful!

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Look who I encountered!  SHEEP!

Lunch: Sheepherder’s bread with Artichoke Hummus, 1/2 piece of cheddar cheese, tomato, cucumber and lettuce.  And an orange.  And more Homemade TM!

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We walked almost 9 miles of hills today so I was pooped when I got home!  I really wanted yogurt and berries but I’m out, and with being gone this weekend I didn’t want to buy my big container and let it spoil.  So I had to leave that part out: Strawberries and Natural’s Honey O’s.

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There was also a handful of dark chocolate edamame and raisins that went into my belly afterwards.

I was super excited for dinner because I was inspired from watching an episode of Everyday Italian the other day.  Giada made a frittata with pasta in it and it sparked my creative vibes:

Why not make a quiche but use leftover pizza as the crust?

Oh heck yeah I did. 

Well, I tried.

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It didn’t come out as well as I had hoped, first of all because I used the wrong kind of pan.  We don’t have a skillet yet and only a regular sized saucepan so I had to use that…and it became a bit hard to flip and take out of the pan.

Anyhow, it still tasted great!  I laid down two pieces (they’re all small) of my leftover cheese-less pizza then topped it off with two whipped eggs with added broccoli and cauliflower.  After I took that part out of the pan I laid down two more pieces of pizza and flipped the first part on top of it.  Sadly I overcooked it a bit…see the burned part.  It just meant it was extra crispy!

But the best past of today?!  Look what I saw in the local town newsletter: The First Self Serve Yogurt Store!!!

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Obviously you know where I’m going to be on the 27th. Along with the Farmer’s Market that starts that day too!  Who could ask for a better day next week! AHHHHH!!!

Now to start my weekend…with sleep.  Then more madness like last weekend…fingers crossed I live through all of it!

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