Adele ~ Make You Feel My Love Shelby Lynne ~ Thought It Would Be Easier Slash ft Myles Kennedy ~ Back From Cali Audioslave ~ Bring Em Back Alive Frank Sinatra ~ Begin the Beguine Them Crooked Vultures ~ Mind Eraser, No Chaser Thunder ~ Backstreet Symphony Skid Row ~ Slave to the Grind Philippe Entremont ~ Satie: Croquis Et Agaceries D'Un Gross Bonhomme En Bois - 1. Tyrolienne Turque Bon Jovi ft Olivia ~ Bad Medicine Acoustic Slash's Snakepit ~ Take It Away Alanis Morrisette ~ Not The Doctor Fleetwood Mac ~ Black Magic Woman Brandi Carlile ~ Dreams Anastacia ~ Who's Gonna Stop The Rain
This week seems to be one of those weeks..you know the kind...emotional whiplash time. I have had many highs this week..like being able to eat real food..(still wehooing about this! lol)..and therefore feeling strength slowly starting to creep back into my body. I'm having great times too but for some reason I am being left with a state of feeling completely lost. Do you ever get times like this?
How I miss old fashioned Typewriters..lol
Overnight I have been trying to work through these feelings. I know the larger part of it is tied to my health. At Christmas I had set myself a personal goal of being over the worst by now...back living a life instead of being sat on the sidelines once again. I think I am bowled over by the fact that it's June already and I'm still waiting....
What you can't see here..is me sat in my tent at the bottom of this signpost! *wink* lol
It's very hard to formulate plans when you are living hour to hour..and it's very VERY frustrating. There is only so long you can read and watch movies before you feel like you want to have a mass bonfire with all your precious books...I currently have 18 library books waiting to be read..and 7 new books from my birthday that are awaiting my attention. I just seem to have lost my interest in them...What?? Yep..I did just admit that. Thankfully I cannot and will not, ever tire of my much beloved companion..music. Phew! lol.
Am I giving up? No! Am I indulging in having a little whinge? Probably..lol. I know this is a temporary feeling of being lost. I know that it will get better with time and improved health. As I am able to do more..move more..I will begin to take back some of the power that seems to have leaked away with the continuing medicine rejection..and there are very positive signs that I'm on that path now.
When you are feeling physically lost and simply existing as opposed to living...it's very easy to get lost emotionally. And for me that is the hardest part of being long term unwell. When you lose sight of the goal..your focus slips into that grey area where you begin to feel lost and feel all of those delightful emotions on the signpost above.
Simple as this....but remembering to do so is at times hard..eh?
So when faced with these emotions...I throw mantras at myself..like This Too, Shall Pass...always the best. And I also repeat..Hold tight, this is temporary...but more importantly I try to remember to Breathe. It's the first thing I advise my loved ones to do when they come to me in times of crisis and despair..but it's hardest one for me to remember to do for myself. Stop..be still...and breathe..deeply..until the moment passes. So very simple and more often than not..effective.
This method I use for many things...pain relief..most of the pain meds I have leave me with the most awful side effects or just simply don't work so I try and breathe through the worst of the pain. If I'm in a situation where I am feeling overwhelmed..(and for those who personally know me..Yes..I do sometimes feel like that! lol) I stop..close my eyes..and breathe.
It's a fundamental need for us to survive but it's also so much more powerful than that. It stills our senses, quietens the mind..brings energy into our bodies..dispels the negatives. And yet we take it for granted and forget it can do all of those things to help us. Shame, eh?
OK I'll stop now..lol Promise more food/art/music blog postings soon..lol Today I just needed to share. So thank you for indulging me. lol
Thanks for stopping by and I hope you never experience feeling so lost. I hope your Wednesday is a very excellent one filled with deep and energising breaths...
NB: Images are not my own and where found during a web search. So I take absolutely no credit for their creation and would happily give credit where it's due if you know who created them. And as always many thanks to them...~R~