Some Distance and Closure... Running, Next Week, You, Me, Lots of Dates
Posted Oct 17 2009 10:03pm
I'm back from Dallas. In case you are just tuning in, I was going to a dedication of a memorial plaque at the intersection where my friend died while running in the Dallas White Rock marathon.
We ran the race together. Yet, at mile 22 I started to fall behind, and I missed her collapsing at mile 23. I don't remember much of that part of the course. But what I realized during this last visit to Dallas is that right near the spot where Erin died, I was asking volunteers if I could catch a shuttle to the finish line. I could catch one, but it would mean turning around and going back, i.e. away from the finish line, since I passed the place where the shuttle was parked. At that point, I was walking, completely frustrated that my marathon blew after I put so much into training (several 50-60 mile weeks of running), and if I was to continue to walking, it wasn't going to be away from the finish line.
I now have a clear picture in my mind of the place where Erin died. I appreciate that because the vagueness of that place made me feel uneasy.
The service itself was very pleasant. I was happy to meet her mother, father, and brother. Her husband was there as well. Also, people who were there for Erin when she died came out as well. There were her friends and relatives.
I must say that it is strange to witness such a public death. The words "Rest in Peace" came to mind. We are approaching a year since her death and yet it seems nothing's changed. With the plaque dedication and upcoming relays in her name, will she rest in peace? I hope so.
When Tara commented on my post about going to Dallas, she said that maybe I'd get some closure. I was thinking about that word - closure - wondering if you ever get it with death. I'm sure you do, just takes some time to feel it. I do know that with this trip to Dallas, I got some distance. I don't feel so close to the death.
Alright, thank you guys for reading about this. Your support means a lot to me. Writing about this experience helped me a lot, but it wouldn't be the same if it wasn't for your support.
Soon, I'll be back to the regularly scheduled run-tertainment, featuring hilarious jokes demonstrating deep, sophisticated humor (such as "she said"). I'm (STILL!!!!!) recovering from my half. For example, on Wednesday, I ran 4 miles at... wait for it.... 13 minute/mile pace! On Friday, I did two miles at a slightly better, but not that impressive 10 min/mile pace. Talk about kicking your own untrained butt in a race. But next week I'm attacking marathon training from all directions, and THE SPEED SHALL BE BACK!