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Pride and Fear: A Personal Note

Posted Jan 11 2009 5:40pm
This is another MS150 post, and of course I urge you to hit the fund raising
But this one is a little different. Usually, I keep a pretty firm barrier between my blogger self and the interior life of my true self. Here, the barrier is pulled aside a tad, so feel free to move on if that's not your thing.

I mentioned in passing that Mrs. Greyhound has been having some difficulties with her Multiple Sclerosis that she has not had in years. She has been experiencing hot and prickly sensations on one side of her body and in her feet that she describes as "ant bites." It has been uncomfortable to be touched by the cat, the dogs, clothing--

and by me.

But something is different this time. These past several months, she has been engaged on a program of physical exercise, guided by Maria Gratia. She is now up to five hours of aerobic exercise (vigorous walking) per week, plus a program of strength training. In times past, she might have shut it down upon experiencing these symptoms. Not now.

She is militant. She will not be deterred from getting her walk in. She is even talking about maybe doing a 5k road race this fall, and I have promised to be by her side every step, no matter what pace she runs. I am so proud.

Frankly and honestly? I'm also scared sometimes. This is what Multiple Sclerosis can do to mobility, and note, the woman in this video has improved her mobility due to treatments that are now available:

It isn't even my body that is diseased, and I should have more courage. But, the prospect of this happening to my partner scares me. On the selfish side, that's not what any of us, including me, wants for our lives. When we get married, all young and fresh and healthy, we want to travel and run spontaneously in the surf, and make love and stay out wrapped in beach towels drinking cheap wine until the sun comes up. No one dreams of hauling walkers in a minivan and dealing with debilitating fatigue. No one should have to.

On a nobler note, one hopes not to come up wanting in a test like that; but, many good people do. I don't take for granted that I have the fiber not to fall short.

Anyway. That may be more than you want to think about right now. But it occupies my mind sometimes when I fail to distract it.

THREE MORE DAYS. MS SUCKS. Donate if you can.
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