Hey gang. The trembling has subsided. My memory has returned. I once again know that #23 for the Cavaliers is LeBron James. I should know, since I have been covering that kid since he was in 9th grade. In my caffeine depleted state on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I lost all sense of time. Am I the father of three, married 31 years, or am I father of 31, married 3 years. I was all wacked out. The memory faded. The hallucinations began... on the air, no less. I spoke in tongues. I had wild dreams. Juan Valdez, Mrs. Folgers were taunting me for dropping coffee, and my Bride was in bed with coffee beans...Christmas Blend coffee beans sprinkled upon her neck-id body. I was told I need professional help. All of that is true. Thanks Steve. You are correct. I did get help.
Okay, so said Dr. Phil is......Dr. Phil. Is he the best source to interpret my dreams and get me back to sanity, or is he just a big shot because...........OPRAH said so. I will go with the Oprah angle.
The dreams. Monday night, was the Valdez..Folgers-American Beauty take off. Tuesday night was the aspect about our roof falling apart and me having to call in guys to build a new one. There were Amish guys and someone who looked like Bob Vila. I took the Vila guy as a hoax because he introduced himself as Bob Vil-ahh, instead of Veee-yah. I wasn't fooled.
Wednesday night, I was racing in a long form triathlon in upstate New York. Gorgeous setting. Now I realize it was the SOS. The Survival of the Shawangunks. Theres some killer uphill portion of it and in my dream, I quit just about 50 meters from the top. I have never quit in a race in my career, and I have nearly 85 triathlons to my credit. So, this was weird.
The famous Doctor agreed to see me. ***
Dr. Phil "the first dream, to me.. means you have a fear of heights, afterall, why else would you let a donkey carry you up a steep mountain. Mrs. Folgers being stern means you never connected with your mother, and the coffee beans symbolize your fear of intimacy."
Me "I disagree. I flew with the Blue Angels, my mom is also friend and I am a very affectionate guy"
Dr. Phil "Whatever..alright...dream number two. The busted roof. Means because you gave up coffee, your life is falling apart. The roof is You. Its broken and can't be fixed, no matter how many Amish guys you know".
Me "Wrong again. My life is spectacular. Great wife, kids, friends, work. I admit however that Bob Villa might symbolize my fear of huge power tools."
Dr. Phil. "Whatever. Dream #3, the long triathlon means you never finish anything. You start projects, like curing cancer, or climbing Everest and you always go halfway. "
Me Wrong, Quack-doc. I always finish what I start except for my pledge to learn to speak Spanish fluently. Thanks for nothing. "
So, there you have it. Day 4, 3 exhaustive dreams. Did not workout today, still stressed out about my session with Dr. Phil. Was tempted to get coffee. Went past a Caribou and my car actually was shimmying all over the road. I fought it like a cowboy fights a steer. It was like the auto had a G.P.S.G rounds P erking S ensor. Folks, I will survive.
***(Means said counselling session never took place. Was purely fictional.)