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Bike for Sale...Craigslist

Posted Aug 28 2009 8:19pm
A friend of mine sent me this link. I think it is in San Francisco. I'm not sure why he is looking for a bike in SFO though since he lives in Austin. I have changed some of the text. If this bike is as good as the guy says, I'm going to get it for next season's racing...or maybe I'll get one of the new Cervelo P4s.

Here's a link to the ad with the text below. I've edited some of the text to keep this an all age appropriate blog.

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick bleep butt spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "BLEEP YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy bleep so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad bleep you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad bleep in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a bleepless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

(I removed this entire paragraph, let's just say that it was about the seat not being very cushy.)

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't mess around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey bleep, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
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