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Are you a Lance-a-Lout bike rider?

Posted May 30 2009 10:11pm

Lanceironman New York Post columnist Kyle Smith got hit by a cyclist back in 2007.

Now Smith has a lot of personal and very serious cycling issues to workout, and a few days ago he did so in his column by categorizing cyclist into three types of riders.

These are:

"Messengers of Mayhem. These are young, aggressively fit men, often clad in futuristic outfits complete with face-obscuring visors that make them look like Boba Fett. 

* Szechuan Psychos. Working for tips and of questionable immigration status, they serve in the mechanized infantry of General Tso' s army.

and of course:

* Lance-a-Louts. You can tell by their high-performance bikes, their high-performance yellow-spandex racing jerseys, the high-performance dorkiness of their wee caps with precious little upturned visors: These weekenders think they' re l' il Lance Armstrongs as they pedal furiously down your street on the way to the park.

And what is making the fast so furious? Here' s a guess. The urologist Dr. Irwin Goldstein once said, "There are only two kinds of male cyclists - those who are impotent and those who will be impotent." Even bike seats designed to be friendly to man-parts were linked to impotence in a 2005 Journal of Sexual Science study. Guys, we know why you love your bikes. All those gleaming titanium shafts."

So which one are you?

You can read Smiths entire column HERE along with the very entertaining comments---that is if you are not too busy making an urologist appointment.

Follow on twitter @ everymantri


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