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thollett

California 75181
I am a 39yo married male who recently was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have 4 children 3 girls (10 Shaela, 15 Chloe lives with aunt, 19 Alyssa just gave birth to my grandson Bishop) and 1 stepson (17 Alex who wants/needs out) I have always felt that my mood swings have effected my family in a negative way, pushing me/them away :-(. I also thought that my crazy outburst were normal, but they weren't. I have had this for years and didn't know or understand why I... Full Bio
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Height: 6’ 7”
Weight: 255 lbs.
 

Bio

I am a 39yo married male who recently was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have 4 children 3 girls (10 Shaela, 15 Chloe lives with aunt, 19 Alyssa just gave birth to my grandson Bishop) and 1 stepson (17 Alex who wants/needs out) I have always felt that my mood swings have effected my family in a negative way, pushing me/them away :-(. I also thought that my crazy outburst were normal, but they weren't. I have had this for years and didn't know or understand why I acted the way I did. I was a successful sales manager for fifteen years. It was difficult to put my game face on everyday but I was trapped by the money. My work would make me so ill during my episodes that I would leave work unannounced to reset my game face, sometimes not returning, then I snapped. I broke  during a major depressive episode and I was not able to function at all. I started to see a Psychologist and went on medical leave. I also went to my family Dr (big mistake) who started trying to treat me with depression meds but wouldn't prescribe what my Psychologist recommended and kept me on extremely low doses he doesn't know how to treat me so I am switching to a Psychiatrist. During my first 2mo I had manic episode and spent more than 10 days on a destructive path. I Felt exceptionally good at first like I could do anything and started house projects and basically tore up my house, I couldn't focus very long with anything moving from here to there and conversation was difficult because of racing thoughts, talked way more than usual and I couldn't remember most of what I had done. I left my house all hrs of the day, I didn't need sleep, I got two tickets (surprisingly I wasn't arrested with my aggressive attitude) I wanted to fight and tried to pick fights while driving around. I drove around southeast Dallas hoping to find drugs, anything to change me, pot, crack, cocaine, meth, Luckily I didn't find any. I realized how bad it was and I couldn't stand what I have/had done to my family and contemplated suicide and still do. I often in the past would go on spending spree's often using my family's last dollars. I made over $150,000 a year when I started my medical leave, it was difficult decision but it was killing me (fired since). I have nothing left to show for it, prior to my breakdown things started getting worse and I ended up with 1 foreclosure, 2 repossession, and I have ruined my finances and credit. I need help, I can't stand myself and I am scared of what I might do. Luckily I have a dedicated loving wife who has been a great asset when I cycle.