Consequences
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I miss writing here. I miss my readers. I miss being able to answer every comment, every email. I miss keeping up with the blogs I love. I miss my family.Work is still a hellish mess. In fact, I will be returning to that kitchen to bake more shortly. I have come to the conclusion that if two of my coworkers drank 56 pints of beer on the clock a...
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Hi To All
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I am in the midst of a work hell situation. Two bakers were fired and I am trying my best to hold it together until new employees can be hired and trained. Until then, too many hours working, not enough days off and not a whole lot of sleeping. I really miss writing here. Hopefully, there is some time off in my future. Thanks for the well wishes...
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You Can Judge A Book By Its Cover (Pt.1)
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
Polly Self PortraitThe young boy dishwasher at my work is so small that the first day I saw him, back when I started the job in May, I wondered why he wasn’t in school. It turns out that he’s 20 and just very short. He gets teased a lot, called a hobbit etc., and I can’t say I ever gave him much sympathy because his disposition...
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Both Sides Now
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I wanted to start this by answering some of the comments I didn’t have a chance to respond to.Susan, I can think of no higher compliment than you taking your time to read through my archives. Thank you.Kristen, the fact that you left a comment, “Haunting, beautifully so. ” is amazing, especially considering that’s how I f...
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Wasted Blues
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
For whatever reason, I wish for this to be mostly a stand alone entry. I would say to those of you who haven’t been longtime readers, or those who weren’t willing to pick through the archives (and I can’t say I blame you. I tried to do it once and almost decided to delete 99% of it) that it might help to read this entry first.A...
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Did The Cowardly Lion Really Have It Inside Him All Along?
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
Polly wanted to make sure I gave her credit for this photo.I haven’t been even a tenth of the writer I wanted to be here. I had made a vow to also be a reader, to read and reply to my comments and emails, to reach out, to give back. I have been comforted by each of your words, and grateful that you took the time to leave them here.I notice...
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Biting the Tongue That Bleeds Me
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I do have stories to tell and comments and emails to answer but I have been trying to deal with a change in my work schedule. My boss asked me if I would be interested in working days, and I said yes, so she scheduled me from 2 a.m. ’til noon. It wasn’t what I had thought of when she had said days, but I was willing to give it a try. Sunday (my ...
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See How I Did That?
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
Why is it that my daughter Polly finds slugs disgusting, yet she will hold a snail and declare how cute he is and can she keep him? I mean, does the shell make one cute? Would a cute little turtle be ugly without his shell? Never mind, I just answered my own questions. Turtles aren’t cute, and I think I remember seeing Franklin without a shell d...
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The Empty Nest Draws Closer
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
The remains of the former brewery, Henry Weinhards, that they tore down to “revitalize the Pearl District”, here in downtown Portland. Certain parts of that brewery are on the historic registrair, so they were required to leave them.
My cousin has moved from Australia to LA. He flew up last weekend for a visit and took my son Nathan...
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This And That
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
This might come across like reading my twitter, if I had a twitter, but here goes anyway.I absolutely loved reading your comments and I am not just saying that. I always get very excited when you lovely people comment and I read my comments over and over. Feel free to diagnose me accordingly ; today I am feeling rather good. I had my first appoi...
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Sorry
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
to have gone missing for so long. I have been working constantly, as two of my fellow bakers have gone on vacation, and another one is slated to leave next week. Everything here is otherwise fine. I am just tired and feeling as if I have no life, but I can’t turn down the hours and I am sure it won’t be like this forever.Meanwhile, t...
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Stories In Scars
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
Starting at the top of my head, he softly ran his fingers across my skin, following his fingers with a trail of kisses and whispered words of my beauty. I closed my eyes and he kissed my eyelids, tickled the sides of my face with butterfly kisses as we both laughed at how ticklish I was. “What happened here?” His fingers traced the s...
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Texts From A Marriage.
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”George CarlinThank you for the laughs George. I wonder if you’re finding out the seven words you can’t say in heaven either.I have been spending some of my time talking on the phone and emailing my cousin, the one I wrote abouthere; t...
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It’s Too Late For Prevention But I Don’t Think It’s Too Late For The Cure
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
“Why must you always be around?Why can’t you just leave it be?It’s done nothing so far but destroy my lifeYou cause as much sorrow deadAs you did when you were alive”SINEAD O’CONNORYou Cause As Much SorrowI worked the graveyard shift Saturday night. As I’ve mentioned before, I work with mostly men. A few of th...
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Holding On To Nothing
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
Friday I had a doctor’s appointment that I had planned on canceling but had forgotten. I got dressed and went even though I didn’t want to talk about my back, or my depression and anxiety, or my should I keep it? uterus. When they called my name I walked in and after passing through the doors I was immediately asked to step ont...
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P Is For Paranoid
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
After I’d gotten both kids off to school this morning I started to prepare the items I’d sold on Ebay for shipping. My Mom called and asked what I was doing ;I told her and she offered to come and take me to the post office so I didn’t have to carry all of the boxes of books on the bus and then she wanted to go out for coffee. ...
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Feedback Requested If Anyone Is Interested.
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
You go out for a nice meal. What do you hope to see on the dessert menu? We have been running dessert specials so I am hoping to get some ideas in that will sell well. The chocolate lava cake was a big hit.Any and all thoughts greatly appreciated.
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One Legged And Crutchless
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I have known for quite some time that I have been drinking too much. There is admitting it to yourself and then there is the part whereyou actually admit it to yourself. I don’t know how to describe the difference. I guess I can say that although I knew that at times I was being excessive with it, I wasn’t willing to take any steps t...
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Conflicted.
by
Tammy
Posted in: Blog Posts in Depression
I have been feeling out of sorts since I started working again. I think that it has something to do with being now forced out of my self imposed isolation back into life. I see people socializing everywhere around me; groups at fine restaurants with candlelight faces, huddles over morning coffee and scones. I feel at times a pull to be a part of...
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