I have a problem with anger. Surprise, surprise. On the outside, I'm a calm, got-it-together sort of person who's soft-spoken, reasonable, and doesn't resort to snide tactics or inflammatory attacks. However, in my intimate relationships (family and partner, in particular), I tend to have a short fuse--I get offended by the most minor slights, respond with self-righteous indignation, and end up feeling crappy in the aftermath for getting so riled up over something so small. It's a problem/pattern I have grown to recognize quite well over the years, and I'm definitely seeking to make amends before my husband completely loses his patience with me.
That's why I signed up for an anger management class. Honestly, I was ambivalent about it in the beginning, because anger management has certain cultural connotations: people with road rage being schooled into docility by pop-psychology cliches. Yeah, that's kind of harsh, but all the film lampoons haven't done much to warm me to the idea of anger management.
When I entered the first class, I realized that my stereotypes had a basis in reality. We met in a nondescript room with harsh fluorescent lights (enough to make anyone angry, really), and we started off with long introductions where you really got into the nitty-gritty of people's issues. To hear other people's experiences was a little scary, especially when it came to those who had serious anger issues that had landed them in jail or cost them a job. Of course, I didn't feel that my story was as extreme, but as everyone went around the room talking about their lives, I realized that there are definitely gradations when it comes to anger. For many people in the room, external observers would never have guessed they had an anger issue because they were so good at bottling it up.
It made me realize--there is no one quick and easy profile for an "angry" person. Anger affects our lives in intimate and sometimes unobserved ways, and getting to a place where I could more easily understand this did wonders in eradicating some of my misconceptions and assumptions about anger management.
I have a problem with anger. Surprise, surprise. On the outside, I'm a calm, got-it-together sort of person who's soft-spoken, reasonable, and doesn't resort to snide tactics or inflammatory attacks. However, in my intimate relationships (family and partner, in particular), I tend to have a short fuse--I get offended by the most minor slights, respond with self-righteous indignation, and end up feeling crappy in the aftermath for getting so riled up over something so small. It's a problem/pattern I have grown to recognize quite well over the years, and I'm definitely seeking to make amends before my husband completely loses his patience with me.
That's why I signed up for an anger management class. Honestly, I was ambivalent about it in the beginning, because anger management has certain cultural connotations: people with road rage being schooled into docility by pop-psychology cliches. Yeah, that's kind of harsh, but all the film lampoons haven't done much to warm me to the idea of anger management.
When I entered the first class, I realized that my stereotypes had a basis in reality. We met in a nondescript room with harsh fluorescent lights (enough to make anyone angry, really), and we started off with long introductions where you really got into the nitty-gritty of people's issues. To hear other people's experiences was a little scary, especially when it came to those who had serious anger issues that had landed them in jail or cost them a job. Of course, I didn't feel that my story was as extreme, but as everyone went around the room talking about their lives, I realized that there are definitely gradations when it comes to anger. For many people in the room, external observers would never have guessed they had an anger issue because they were so good at bottling it up.
It made me realize--there is no one quick and easy profile for an "angry" person. Anger affects our lives in intimate and sometimes unobserved ways, and getting to a place where I could more easily understand this did wonders in eradicating some of my misconceptions and assumptions about anger management.