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PTSD Survivor Poetry: Dark Clouds

Posted Apr 01 2013 8:00am

In celebration of National Poetry Month, this week’s PTSD poem comes from …Sabine M. Pitcher.  Sabine wrote: I have written poems on and off ever since I can remember – since I was proficient enough in English (which is my second language). Some of my poems reflect my own feelings – but, more often, they start off with something I hear or read or somebody tells me. On a voluntary basis, I work with people who leave the UK Armed Forces, many of them former officers - so that’s an area I feel particularly close to and which is reflected in my poems: they are about loss, dying, loneliness, making difficult decisions. And, about living with the memories of it. I wrote one  poem after a brief chat with a Vietnam veteran. He said that it made his wife cry, and his daughter said “I understand now …”. That’s why I write.

By: Sabine M. Pitcher

The clouds just won’t lift.
A moment ago, the sun was shining.
Now it is dark.
Clouds hanging low,
weighing heavy
on my mind.

Why is everbody smiling?
Why are children laughing?
I just want to be left alone.

But, then again, there is already
too much loneliness.
When will it end?
Were is the sun?
I can’t remember
what it feels like
to have light.

This heavy silence
is like a hummming
in my head.

And as I think I cannot bear it,
that I can’t escape,
another soul
is reaching out
to me.

I don’t believe, I do not trust,
I have been in this
all alone
for much too long.
But even through
the darkness
I can now see
the hand reach out,
the skin reflecting light
from some distant source
I cannot see.

So maybe, only maybe
there is hope,
the clouds will lift.

When nighttime comes
I close my eyes
and try to see
the hand reach out.
And light will travel
through to me.
Before the night
comes to an end,
I can feel it
on my skin.

The break of dawn
will make me see
the light again.

I was not alone.

197967_1580904847117_448257_nBio: Sabine holds a PhD in psychology. She was born and grew up in Germany and now lives in London / UK were she works in adult education. She recently started a blog supporting her work with service leavers: Military-to-Civilian Transitions .

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