Help Out Your Mate and Relationship With Communication Skills Support!
Posted Feb 19 2009 5:11pm
How was Valentine’s Day with your honey?
Did you and your mate / partner communicate well? Or, did you miss the point and the need of the others and end up frustrated? Happen too often?
That’s pretty human of you if wires get crossed too often.
Effective communication is a learned skill, it doesn’t come naturally to most of us.
Here are few tips that might help you during the Month of Love . . . .
There are three types of listeners. To understand which you are, and which your spouse or mate is will go far in helping you create better and smoothing communication every day.
One of the most common problems in marriage occurs when she wants empathy - to be cared for and listened to - and he’s trying to problem solve and fix things. “Just the facts, ma’am! Here! How hard is this, just fix it!”
I know, as a Professional Organizer, I hear my client’s husbands respond to our sorting and organizing with, “Just get a shovel and get rid of it!” Yup, he’ll “fix it” alright!! Needless to say, most of my clients don’t tell their husbands they’ve hired me at all!!
So, what to do?
Again, listening and communicating effectively are learned skills. Help them along with what you need, how you need to be listened to and spoken to. And, visa-versa, ask them to teach you what makes them feel heard and cared about as well.
Example: Tell your partner what kind of listening you want in a way that’s loving and specific. Like, “I love your support and that you care and, I want to hear your suggestions later. But right now all I want is for you to listen. I just need to think outloud and/or to vent right now.
Break it down into actual behaviors too. “Honey, I just need to hear, ‘Gee, that’s too bad.’” You don’t have to do anything.
The bottom line is WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US!
So, literally TEACH him what you need, how to TREAT you, so that you can be your best as well.
Think of it this way, treat your mate as if he wants to make you happy (he does! He’s freaking out because he doesn’t get it!) — but doesn’t know how. You love him, after all. You picked him. Help him (and yourself) out - raise the bar on your own information sharing so that he’s not stumbling blind in your min(d) fields!
TRICKY TERRITORY: Yup, this means, you have to know what you want too! Take the time to figure it out and ask!
Happy Valentine’s Month!
PS This is equally true for sex too! Ask! Tell! Teach!