Last night I was sitting around have dinner with a group of friends when the question came up – if you could take a drug that would give you absolute bliss and happiness for the rest of your life that just kept getting better and better, would you take it over the highs and lows of your normal life? For me the answer was easy. As much as I don’t like the lows in life, I love the duality that life presents to me. These moods allow me to feel what true happiness feels like when it comes along, and the highs and lows for me are a perfect life thermostat – the lows tell me what not to do and the highs tell me that I’m moving in the right direction.
What I’ve been experiencing over the last week is a perfect example. For the first two weeks that I was back in Australia I was on an endless high. I was floating on a cloud of love and excitement. I would have walked up to every stranger and told them that I loved them if I could. A couple of times while walking in the street I even had this spontaneous heart opening experience where my heart cracked wide open and I could feel the divine in every inch of space around me. I looked at the trees and felt the love deepen .. my legs actually wobbled so I fell to the ground not knowing what to do with this explosion of love radiating from my chest. True story and gosh I’m so glad nobody was around to witness those crazy events!
Point is, I was all loved up when I got back to Australia. But the longer I spend in my home town, the longer my old energies begin to take me over like some kind of toxic weed. When I lay my hands on trees I now have to concentrate a lot harder to feel their spirits. And the lows are starting to creep back in. I hadn’t experienced any type of low for weeks. I’d bounced back and forth between feeling good and incredibly amazing. Now I bounce all around from high, low, good, okay .. just about every type of emotion you can think of.
The great thing about this emotional roller coaster is that when I’m low I meditate on the feeling and it always tells me what I’m doing in my life to cause that emotion. This has been great to make some huge and very important decisions in my life recently – such as the decision to move away from my home town Brisbane after living here for 31 years.
It’s also given me some deeper insight into my self. I was blessed to be trained in the technique of Zero Point with Dr Gabriel Cousens himself at the Tree Of Life Rejuvenation Center in Arizona. Zero Point involves dissolving all thought forms and getting back to the “I AM” which basically means living in the present moment free of all past thoughts, attachments, ideas and things. Doing this technique has been invaluable for me over the past few weeks, especially recently during the times when I haven’t felt particularly happy. When I’m down my first instinct is to blame my old patters – particularly the breakup with past lovers and lonliness. But when I’ve sat down with those thought forms I’ve realized that my emotional state is not due to those old patterns at all, they’re more to do with the fact that my current vibration is not matching my old life at all.
For example, my new vibration is telling me that I need more contact with people. So if I have a day that I’ve set aside to do solo work with my macbook then I almost immediately begin to get a hollow feeling inside. As soon as I start making plans to create new ventures that involve face to face contact with people, my heart lights right back up again. My original thought was that it was my old pattern of feeling lonely working alone. But when I sat down and Zero Pointed this thought form (you could just meditate with the idea and the thought), then I realized that I’m actually not lonely at all. I still love my solitude and feel very comfortable with it. The hollow feeling was just my souls way of pushing and shoving me into a direction that I’m supposed to be moving in. If I stayed on that super ecstatic high forever after I came back, I’d likely still be doing the same thing I’ve always done or planned to do and nothing would change. Discomfort and feeling emotionally out of whack can sometimes be a push in a particular direction. It can be your souls way of getting you off your butt and moving into a direction that is going to help your spiritual evolution – because above everything else that is the most important thing.
So while I do miss feeling blissfully happy all of the time, I am also in some way grateful for the moments of discomfort or feeling sad because they are a very clear message to me for knowing what I need to change or what new direction I need to head in.
I’d love to know what your thoughts are too. Have you experienced anything similar?