My Short Little Life Lesson About Self Esteem, Self Love & Getting Real
Posted Dec 30 2009 1:21am
FRACK! 2009 has been a difficult year. It’s been the longest and most significant learning of my life so far. And of course 2009 didn’t want to be forgotten, so even though it’s not quite the end of the year just yet, it’s already gone out with a bang, or perhaps more of a gurgle or a bit of a vomit.
I feel as though life is speeding up so quickly for me and I’m learning lessons a lot faster. My house mates and I painted this huge yantra on the front of our house when we moved in to promote change, and change I have that’s for sure. And I’ve been manifesting and working with the divine consistently throughout the year so I guess in a way I asked for learning and got it. A lot of it!
It’s been really difficult but I am grateful for the intensity of the learning experiences I’ve had this year. My lessons have become consistently short and sharp since 2009 rolled in. Life really and truly has been hitting me over the head with its big stick …which brings me to the topic of this article - getting REAL and my own little life lesson that I learned over the past couple of months about that.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been in a beautiful relationship with a very wonderful man, a man who ticked more boxes that I knew I even wanted in a lover. But my fear of the relationship ending and losing him made me in a way hold my breath throughout our time together, and never truly relax 100% into the real Fran - the Fran that has her own little unique place on this planet.
I had no idea that I was holding my breath until it all fell apart. It took a lot of reflecting and sitting with my energy to detach myself from the situation and look at it ..I guess from a birds eye view. In my meditations I kept getting this strong image of myself holding my breath while I was with him. And the emotion behind the image is one that we’re all very familiar with - fear.
It’s so interesting to me how our lessons can sometimes be really muddy when we’re in the process of learning them, then crystal clear once we’re out of it. It’s like we don’t understand why we couldn’t see our new learnings of the experience when we were first living it. I guess we wouldn’t be able to learn if we had a lot of clarity every step of the way.
So one of my most significant little life lessons from this super fun experience with a very beautiful man is one of letting go and learning to fully relax into my own true personality. This life lesson extends into the energy of self esteem, self love and self empowerment which are three intentions I’ve been working hard on in 2009, so I’m not surprised at all that the universe decided to take my “theme of 2009″ one little step further.
What I’ve learned and discovered for myself, and what I feel so strongly today that I wish to express to you, is to learn to love, love, love yourself the way you are. And if you meet a friend, take on a lover, or have a family member or relative that doesn’t like the real you, that doesn’t appreciate the whole package, then so be it. Because we can’t hold our breath forever, we can’t hold back our true selves or pretend to be someone we’re not. Because you are incredibly wonderful exactly how you are, including all those weird and quirky bits. And you know what? Those who are truly close to you and who truly love you will love those weird and quirky bits as well.
Even more so what I’ve learned this year though having my heart a little broken a couple of times, I’ve learned that every single experience we have (good and bad) happens for a reason. Everything has beautiful, perfect timing. It my feel incredibly crap at the time but once you give yourself a little respite and time to heal, then your lessons and learning from that experience will become so clear. So clear in fact that you’ll be able to see and feel how important that experience actually was.
And once you begin to become aware of this process, you can start catching that process a little early, and using the awareness of the learning experience to transform through any pain a little faster. Becoming aware of all sides of your learning experience can make you fully appreciate even the tough times and realize just how amazing and powerful you are.