Jolie is getting braces today. For reals, y’all. I spent what felt like my entire childhood at the orthodontist, tortured by an overbite and crowded jaw, which turned into an endless humiliation parade of teeth pulling, headgears, neckgears (hella sexy during the oh-so-crucial tween years) and, finally, braces. After I had my braces removed, my dentist fitted my bottom teeth with a permanent retainer, which I impetuously removed in college. Worst…decision…ever. For the past five years, my bottom teeth have been zooming out of place with lightening speed, leading to chronic headaches–not to mention an “adorable” Kirsten Dunst-like snaggletooth situation. Honestly, I don’t care about the aesthetics; I just want the pain to stop. (Dear, lord! Make it stop!)
Soooo, that brings me to today and my clear braces on the bottom teeth. Apparently, Invisalign costs ten billion dollars and sometimes must be followed by traditional braces anyway, so I’m cutting to the quick and just getting the damn thing over with.
*Buries head in hands* I’m sure it’s going to make dating positively delightful.