Did you watch Bachelor Pad? And if so, did you wear a full body condom?
I know it’s trashy. I know it’s exploitative. I don’t care. It is so good.
Bachelor Pad throws any semblance of love out the window–bringing back some of the hottest and craziest contestants from seasons past for 3 weeks of contests, making out, fighting, making out, tears and making out.
There will be champagne. There will be roses. And you’d better believe there will be hot tubs. (There will also probably be HPV, but let’s not think of that, shall we?)
First up, the crazy-bad:
No surprise here: Michelle, Juan, and Craig are all deplorable in their own, wonderful ways. Luckily, Michelle and Juan are already gone. Craig is probably on the chopping block next week, and I will not miss him. He’s a meanie. More critically, his hair is a disaster.
But, lo! We also have the crazy-good:
Okay, Elizabeth is truly batsh*t insane. On the plus side, she’s entertaining to watch, is ridiculously manipulative, and she does seem to genuinely “love” (AKA be obsessed with) Jesse Kovacs–who you know is regretting that terrible day he first thought, “Dude, that girl’s hot” and hooked up with her.
Love is in the air:
Tenley is still a Disney Princess who farts rainbows, and she and Kiptyn are obviously going to fall in love and have peppy but dimwitted babies. Meanwhile, hottest Bachelor ever (?) Jesse B. and “Only God does not have a connection with me” Natalie are falling in sweet lust before our very eyes. I predict tears, Valtrex, and ill-advised infatuation tattoos.