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Turn Your Face to the Sunshine

Posted May 22 2013 12:00am
My medical withdrawal from my university went through. I got the official paper about it in the mail yesterday. It's - as someone once commented on this blog - demoralizing, having to withdraw. But it was what I needed to do for right now.

I know that by the fall, when I am ready to return (hopefully) to school, I will have forgotten the Spanish I learned this past fall....so really, I should be trying to go back in the summer. But I don't feel like I could do it. I'm still having delusional thoughts, and thinking people on TV can read my mind when I watch the news...stuff like that. So I know it would be really hard to do a class right now. But I really don't want to forget all the Spanish before I take Spanish II because it will be extremely difficult.

I have to believe that I am doing the right thing by just taking care of myself for now, and not returning to the stress of school at this moment in time.

I am going to be mentoring a NAMI Peer to Peer class soon . It will be every Saturday for ten weeks, and I will be doing that for the first time. There are three of us who will be mentors, and hopefully, I will remember at least some of what I learned in my training class for this last September.

Peer to Peer is a free course where you learn coping skills, gain knowledge, and get a chance to share your story with people who understand. If there is a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate near you, I highly recommend the course.

Tomorrow, I go to see my old therapist again at her new office. Hopefully that will be helpful. The Clozaril seems to  be somewhat effective, just not completely effective by any means. I will see the doctor, hopefully, tomorrow too, about that. I am still only taking 100 mgs.

My apartment is clean, and I've vowed to keep it that way for the next two weeks before Kristyn comes back, or at least put more effort into keeping it that way than I have been. Staying organized is a perpetual challenge.

I have been horrified by the tragedy on the news of the tornado in Oklahoma, and, per usual, some sick part of my brain thinks that I caused this natural disaster with my thoughts. It's not a big part of me that believes that, but it's disturbing nonetheless. I found comfort in some of the stories of teachers saving the young children from the damage and from death. One teacher had her preschool kids sing, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you; please don't take my sunshine away." One of my ex boyfriend Jim's few redeeming qualities was when he sang that song to me. It's sweet.
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