Taking the advice of my therapist and my ARNP who prescribes my meds, I am going back on the Risperdal injectons. This is being done under the auspice that it worked well the first time, so let's do it again. The assumption is that I may have a problem with absorbing medications taken by mouth due to a medical issue, such as Celiac Disease, which is found in many people who have other illnesses that I have. So, medication put into the bloodstream via injection may work better.
To be quite honest with you, as I always am here, I do not recall Risperdal making a significant improvement in my life when I took it. What I do recall is that it was a pain in the ass to go to the mental health center every two weeks for a shot that I should be allowed to administer myself. I also recall that I started becoming fat on Risperdal, which was, actually, the reason why I stopped taking it. However, having experienced a lot of "breakthrough" psychosis symptoms on Seroquel, and also on every other antipsychotic I have ever taken, I am willing to try something different again.v So I agreed to go back on the shots.
When you've been on dozens of medications for many years it is hard to recall exactly how effective each one was, what the side effects were, what happened and what did not happen while on that drug, etc....and even if you could figure it out you would have to spend a whole lot of time keeping track of these things to do so. I'm not interested in doing that, so I do not do it. Every health site on the internet for every illness there is will probably advise you to keep a "diary" of your symptoms. I can think of few things that would simultaneously bore and irritate me as much as doing that would, so there is no way in hell I am ever going to do that with my time.
Hence, I am using my hazy memory to try and recall the benefits of Risperdal injections. I know that when I was on them I functioned very well. I know that right now, all day, every day, I have to constantly argue with myself about what is real and what is not real inside my head and I am going with the hope that the shots will take away this constant need to argue reality.
I am also going back to my rheumatologist next week, who I have not seen in the past year, and plan on asking her to test me for Celiac disease, so I can find out whether or not I have this malabsorption problem and also whether or not I need to go on a Gluten free diet. So I'll let you know what happens with that whenever I get the answers.
I'm also back to using eye drops and Restasis all the time because the blurry vision is a problem, and for that reason I cannot see what I am typing right now. There4fore, I will stop typing. Here is a favorite poem of mind that comes to mind:
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know? I hear my being dance from ear to ear. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you? God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there, And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how? The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair; I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do To you and me, so take the lively air, And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know. What falls away is always. And is near. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go.