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Is there an intelligent man out there looking? No? I didn't think so.

Posted Jun 01 2013 12:00am
There is this guy I have known for about six years. He has Schizophrenia and that is why I know him. He always seemed like maybe he was interested in me. My mom always told me to ask him out. I didn't want to do that. But then, recently, I thought he's smart and an advocate for mental illness, and nice so I might as well see if he wants to go to the movies or something. So I did that. We went to the movies. We watched the movie, and then I dropped him off at home. I asked him on email to call me if he felt like going somewhere again. He called me, and the other night we went out to eat. I drove because he doesn't have a car. My mom said if he offered to pay for the meal that I should let him because of some stupid male masculinity thing where he might feel less than due to me driving. But I paid for half the meal myself because I am a feminist, and I don't believe in that male ego bullshit.
The restaurant was on the beach and, so, once again taking the initiative I asked him if he wanted to walk on the beach afterwards. He did. He never tried to hold my hand at all. So I didn't try to hold his hand either. But it seemed like it would have been a natural thing to do. So after I took him home, later I sent him an email and told him that I just wanted to know one way or the other if he is actually interested in dating me or not. Because if he's not, then that is fine. I don't really care. I can still see him around and be friendly. But if he was interested in dating, then I would have been interested too.

He never responded to my email. It's been two days. He hasn't written or called.

I can't help but be rather embarrassed at this. It was hard for me to put myself out there, risking rejection like that and then to have NO response, well, that doesn't make a person feel so great about herself.

Ultimately it's fine. I could have been a good girlfriend to that guy, but if he is too emotionally immature to even admit he's interested in writing, then that is not my problem. And if he's not interested, I don't know why he wanted to go places with me but maybe he was just bored.

I have joined several dating websites lately. I would like to meet someone, but I don't think it's likely to happen because of the stupid weight problem. Also, because I am not looking for casual sex, and I actually want a relationship, that seems to be a turn-off to guys who are only looking for a woman to use her body for their desires. I suspect most guys on dating sites fit into that category and they wouldn't be interested in me any more than I would be interested in them. Plus, most of the profiles contain horrible spelling and punctuation and grammar errors. If you can't write a complete sentence; I'm not interested. Oh well. Maybe I will be single forever.

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