I love this graphic, so I am writing this post just to have a reason to put it here.
And I have definitely seen some weird shit too.
In fact, in one hospital in New Jersey, I thought I was in Alice in Wonderland and I said this to whoever the authority figures were there. I clearly remember that. I don't know what they diagnosed me with there, or why they discharged me while I was completely psychotic, but I know I thought I was in Alice in Wonderland.
My good friend who cleans my apartment came over and worked her magic a couple days ago. I'm lucky to have someone who is willing to do this, and who sees it as a mutually beneficial relationship. She needs the money; I need the place cleaned and we both enjoy each other's company. So it works out well. If I could afford it I would have her come over more often. It would be really cool if the mental health agency that owns my apartment would help pay for this, but apparently they don't ever do that.
Yesterday I spent the whole day sleeping. Clozaril makes me extremely tired; I find it very sedating. But I didn't have any to take last night, so this morning I got up and went to the Laundromat. I did my ton of laundry. and my brother even met up with me there and helped load the stuff into the car. Then my brother and I went out to lunch. After that I went shopping for birthday gifts for my sister who turns 31 in two days. I got more done today before 3 PM than I ever usually do on a weekend day. Perhaps this is a sign that I am finding more motivation.
Has anyone read the book, The Quiet Room? I have it and lent it to my friend. I haven't read it myself in years so I forgot that the woman who wrote that book got better on Clozaril. I should probably read it again if I can manage to concentrate well enough. I've been looking for feedback from people who take Clozaril. I really want to make sure I don't gain ANY more weight on it.. I want to feel like it's working well enough for it to be worth the hassle of getting blood drawn every week and getting lab results faxed to the pharmacy and getting one week's worth of pills at a time every week. So far it doesn't feel like it is working well enough to be worth this pain in the ass situation.
I asked the doctor about which dosage would make it really work and he said 200 or 300 mgs, and I am on 100 right now. You have to increase it slowly.
He also gave me a prescription for PRN Trilafon. I won't be taking that. It makes me too tired.
I am off Latuda and Navane and Risperdal Consta. I am not sure this is good.
Sometimes I get really lonely. While I was in the hospital I missed the annual conference of Florida's branch of the National Organization for Women. I was supposed to be there to help with that. My term on the board ran out and I am not involved anymore now. I will miss the friends I had there and the yearly conferences we went to, but I couldn't deal with the work that I needed to do with Excel to be in that volunteer job. I had too much cognitive difficulty to do it.
So now, my term is over, and I am not the Membership Director anymore.
I think I am lonely because I don't hear from those people anymore and I don't hear from the New Zealander at all, and I don't hear from too many other people either. But I also know that I haven't written to many people lately, so that is part of the reason they haven't written to me.
I wanted to say thank you to all of you who still read this blog. I appreciate you very much.