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With One Month To Go

Posted Nov 26 2012 9:04am

Hi gobblers!

I hope you had a nice, stress-free, full-bellied Thanksgiving.

On the long weekend front, there’s not much for me to report. Instead of cramming eleventy billion “must do now” tasks into the three days I was in New Hampshire, I instead took The Route Frequently Less Traveled By Ali.

I did pretty much nothing.

For three days, I sat in my mom and dad’s living room and watched Tyler.

Here is Tyler being happy in the morning time. He likes waking up. It seems to amuse him. I guess there’s something hilarious about opening your eyes and seeing four creepy adults staring at you, just waiting for you to entertain them. Thanks for obliging, Ty.

Here is Tyler trying to fly. He hasn’t quite figured out the logistics of life yet. One day I’ll teach him about gravity, but for now I want him to aim high. If that means encouraging him to flap his wings, then so be it. Gobble Gobble Gobble.

And here is Tyler acting guilty. What a pint-sized punk.

I had grand plans to “clean out my childhood bedroom” for my parents (I may have been somewhat of a high school hoarder — every trophy, medal, ribbon and love note is still proudly displayed in that mess of a room) and maybe even do some work. But instead, I watched Tyler. He makes me laugh, and maybe he’ll make you laugh, too.

I guess I’m a proud aunt or whatever. Try to ignore my obnoxious voice being way too close to the camera in these short films. I’m sorry.

I did run while I was home, so that almost balanced out the three-times-a-day bowls of ice cream topped with fudgey cake. Running in New Hampshire is hard. I promise to never refer to Harlem Hill as “a hill” again.

My runs were mostly slow, with the exception of the first two miles.

OK it doesn’t look scary on the elevation chart, but it WAS scary. Swear.

Once upon a time when I was in sixth grade, my parents decided to build a house at what I believe is the highest point in Contoocook, NH. That means starting to run from their house is a downhill blast. But getting home inevitably sucks. Each time I went running, I brought my phone and warned my dad that I would probably call him to come pick me up so I wouldn’t have to run uphill on my way home.

I know. I’m such a fighter. PR City, here I come.

So I ran just about every day, and on Friday morning Michaela and I joined my mom for a boot camp class at her little gym. The class reminded me how much I hate boot camp classes and how I think burpees are stupid, and by stupid I mean “too hard.”

But as Thanksgiving came to a close and America quickly moved onto the next big holiday season, it came to my attention that the year is just about over.

I’m thrilled.

As I’ve lamented before, I didn’t love 2012. At times, I hated it. Those are my fighting words.

Ultimately, of course, spectacular things came to fruition throughout the year. There was the marathon, there was the job promotion and there was the existence of Tyler.

Someone likes the playground! Her name is Ali.

There were also the lofty goals I set for myself back in January . Remember when I used to be so ambitious and also dumb?

Admittedly I didn’t spend much of my year focusing on these mighty resolutions. In fact, I apparently forgot about most of them, even since revisiting the goals in June . My bad.

So now we’re down to the wire, and if I don’t accomplish every resolution on my list by December 31, 2012, the world will end. I will die. To-Do lists everywhere will crumble.

Thus begins Operation Get My New Year’s Resolutions Done In The Next Month-ish.

Here are the goals I’ve already made happen:

Get a new doctor: Yes! This was a big one and I’m so glad I finally got around to making some crucial phone calls and getting a hot new doc. NAILED IT.

Take better care of my skin: I didn’t buy fancy products, but I do wash my face regularly and I never go to sleep with makeup on, and I use my Clairisonic scrubby thing when I feel like it. GOOD ENOUGH.

Go for a totally naked run: Boom! Let it be known that on the evening of Sunday, November 18, I went for a run in Central Park. I did not wear my Garmin. I did not carry a phone. I did not listen to music on any device. And I’m really glad I did this one, actually! I’ve been running without my watch more often since then, and I appreciate not caring what my pace is. I don’t need to know what mile I’m at, and I can just run and enjoy the scenery. I’M AWESOME AT RESOLUTIONS.

On a recent non-naked run in New Hampshire, I ran past my old high school. Isn’t the sign nice, what with the website promotion and the brick and stuff?

Hold a 5-minute plank: Please. I did this multiple times forever ago. So easy. Just kidding. I could never accomplish that now. But I’m glad I checked this one off months ago. I have no desire to play in plank pose for that long anymore. Still, GOT IT DONE.

Run over the Queensboro Bridge: I didn’t run the bridge during the New York City Marathon as planned, but I did take a running stroll over the QB during a very early 18-miler one Thursday morning. I loved it. I haven’t ventured back that way, but I’d like to add it into my weekly running routine once, you know, I actually have a weekly running routine again. NAILED IT!

Be a kickass aunt: If “being a kickass aunt” means buying Tyler presents and never letting anyone else hold him then yes, I am the best aunt ever.

I took Tyler on the swings. I was terrified I was going to drop him. Luckily, I didn’t. Otherwise this resolution would not be so decidedly successful.

I wish I saw Tyler more, but we do a pretty good job of visiting whenever possible and Skype-ing when we can. I don’t want Tyler to grow up not knowing who I am, which is why I send him photos of myself every single day.

No, just kidding. I don’t.

But maybe I should. AUNTIE ALI FOR THE WIN.

Cook one legitimate meal per month: I’ve never hated anything as much as I hate myself for making this awful resolution. I realize many of you cook dinner every night. Go pat yourselves on the backs.

As for me? I hate this. And do you know why? It’s because I loathe grocery shopping. All those aisles and lists and crowds…it’s terrible.

And also, at night, I’m tired and I want someone else to cook for me while I lay on the couch and watch “Full House.” I actually do enjoy the act of cooking. I can follow a recipe and I’m OCD enough that I like to measure stuff out. With the exception of August, when I was in the hospital, I have managed to cook something every month. Usually it’s a casserole coated in various cheeses. Tomorrow I’m planning to make a roast chicken. I don’t know. I don’t even care. The only person who likes this resolution is Brian, though I think it really just reminds him of how little I cook to begin with. Blah. WORK IN PROGRESS. MISERABLE.

Don’t let people make me feel badly about my life decisions: Easy. I love this resolution and I’m not giving up on it once the year is over. This was important for me to focus on this year and I’m glad I’ve distanced myself from crap people. It just makes life easier. LOVED IT, DID IT, STILL DOING IT. Integrity, baby. Live with it.

My neighbors do not judge me, so I spend time with them.

Run a sub-4 hour marathon: NAILED IT. Hard.


As you may recall, Brian had a few resolutions for me as well. His were mostly dumb, but I attempted a few of them. One of his goals for me was to go sub-4 in the marathon, so BOOM, in your face, Brian.

Bike a 40-mile ride: Sure, no problem. Why don’t I also buy a bike and ride a century while I’m at it? Oh, OK. See you out there. EASY.

Replace the words “stressed” and “overwhelmed” with “excitingly busy: How easy was this one? It started as a way to mock Brian, but then I just got used to my new vocabulary and it stuck. CHECK!

HAHA I WIN!!! Was it not a competition?

And here are the remaining goals that require a bit of extra attention:

Do a handstand: Dumbest resolution of all-time. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. And the goal is to do an unsupported, unassisted handstand. No up-against-the-wall shit, no Brian-hold-my-legs cheating. Just me, balancing on my hands with my legs in the air and my toes pointed. MASSIVE FAIL.

Take a trampoline class: I’m going to have to let this one go for 2012. I still really want to do it, but I can’t because the trampoline place isn’t open in the winter. I procrastinated, and therefore I suck. SAD FAIL.

Run on a track: I still want to do this one, too! I may not be training for anything right now, but I can still make my way over to an official oval for some cruising. REFUSE TO FAIL.

Take a dance class: I’m going to do this. This week. Eh, maybe next week. GOING TO HAPPEN.

Try out Yoga to the People: I’m not excited about it, but this was a resolution from 2011, so it’s clearly imperative in this game of life we play. ON IT.

This is Tyler’s new move. He does it ALL the time, and I think he’s a bit of a freak. That can’t be comfortable, and he’s going to give himself a flat head. Or…is he a new yogi genius? And is this the new move all the yoginis are doing? I’ll find out…at Yoga to the People.

And here are the Goals Assigned By Brian that I really didn’t care to accomplish…

Cook saffron risotto: Fine. This will be my December dish. It’ll probably be disgusting. You asked for it, Bri. I WILL DO IT.

Take a knife skills class: Nope. I’d really rather end the year with 10 fingers all still in tact. PROBABLY NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY.

Ski out west: We went to Mexico instead. FINE WITH IT.

So I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied for the next few weeks. I’ll be yoga-ing, dancing, handstanding and sawing my stumpy fingers off in a knife skills class maybe. Try to hold back your excitement.

I know I will.

HOW ARE YOUR RESOLUTIONS COMING ALONG? Are you kicking ass or sucking? Either way, enlighten me so I don’t feel quite so badly about the fact that I gave up on many of the things I thought were “fun and important” just 11 months ago. Thanks.

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