EDIT: A lot of people have e-mailed, tweeted, commented, & FBed saying not to give up. Don’t worry I’M NOT!! EVER. I’m just frustrated
Wednesday, I had one of those perfect, could not have been better, grin from ear to ear runs that only happen every now and again. The weather was perfect, shuffle on my ipod was playing the exact songs I needed to hear to fuel some speed, The wind was blowing during the second half just enough to cool down the 75 sunny degrees.
I returned home riding an endorphin high, ready to take on Rock n Roll San Antonio. I had no doubt in my mind after that run that I was going to blow my goals for San Antonio OUT. OF. THE. WATER.
Fast Forward about 3 hours and, I was hobbling around the house cursing in the name of running. My entire right side of my body was a mess. It felt like someone stuck my right calf in the garbage disposal. Like someone was lighting my right hip on fire, and tying the lower right side of my back into multiple knots.
In the matter of a few hours I went from over-the-moon-ecstatic about how far I’ve come in my running this year, to just plain pissed off that I even run at all.
Why bother? Every time I start to feel awesome my body fails me. What’s the point? I’m just destroying my body time and time again. Re-occurring pain should tell me something. But WHAT? I’ve had my gait analyzed several times, I have (fairly) decent form. I strength train. I slowly build up my mileage, and I take several cut back weeks. I rest more than a lot of people I know who run. I compress, I ice, I elevate, I do yoga, I stretch, I warm up, I cool down.
WHY DOES MY BODY HATE ME SO MUCH?
I started to get really down about my running. Maybe my body just wasn’t made for running. Maybe I destroyed my body with those 13+ years of gymnastics. I LOVE running, I LOVE the challenge, but maybe my body just isn’t a huge fan. Clearly my body is yelling at me to change something, and there seems to be only one constant. RUNNING.
I texted a friend back home in NY. One of the few people ‘in real life’ that actually understand my crazy obsession with this sport. I told him all about it, I told him I wanted to drop running entirely and just become a fat slob who eats potato chips all day on the couch. He said “Without pain, there can be no greatness“
I know it’s true.. It’s just so frustrating. I have tried so hard to do everything safely and SMART to prevent injury. I know, the pain in my back and calf are no big deal. They’re already gone. They were just sore from an intense workout. But this DARN HIP ISSUE comes back time and time again. It will not move on to the next culprit (okay I don’t wish this on anyone!) It’s like that rude cold that you think you have shook. You start to be able to breathe and function without coughing up a lung, only to WHAM be smacked in the face again and realize it never truly left at all.
WHY. I did everything right. I rested for TWO MONTHS when I was diagnosed. I went to PT, and did yoga every single day. I was a good little girl and practiced RICE RICE RICE every day. I very (very) slowly came back to my beloved running. What gives?
you mean you don’t ride around in cars with bags of ice buckled to your hip?
Am I being overly dramatic? Absolutely. But, I’m frustrated, disheartened, angry, sad, and just plain ready for those easy, nearly effortless miles I see people pounding out day after day, to be MINE. I’m ready to go out for a 5 mile run and say “man I could have kept going for days”
Maybe that will never be me. Maybe running will always be hard and painful for me. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I love it so much… Because it continues to challenge me each and every day. I go out there every day, not to beat the other’s in a race, but to BEAT MYSELF. To beat that little voice in my head that says “you’re slow, you’re not meant for this, you’ll never be good at this” But some days, like today, I feel like that voice is right.
I am slow, and maybe I will never be good at this sport we call running. Maybe all my friends are right, maybe I am absolutely nuts for thinking I can actually run a marathon.
I know that I’m asking a lot of my body, and really putting it to the test. But there are some days I just wonder why I even bother.
Are there days you ever feel like this? Please say yes, even if it is just to humor me