Is it wrong to visit your own blog? Today I sat and skimmed through some of my past posts and noticed that most are about NF2, my Mom, and fundraising. If my blog is a written series of my life, I don't want to be one of those people who defines themselves by what has happened to them, by a tragedy or by a loss. I am more than just the sum of my tumors, which sounds hilarious, but is honest. My entire life I have been teased, and I always assumed it was because I was weak compared to the other kids with my never ending health and family issues. Finally, I realized everyone feels that way sometimes. Everyone loses someone. Everyone has a tragedy. We all still wake up the same way each morning. I don't think about being Deaf everyday. I am sure at this point most of the people in my life refer to me as Deaf if I come up in a conversation, but I do not wake up and think about all the things I cannot hear. I just wake up.
Who we are and who we consider ourselves to be are not necessarily the same thing. I think of myself as a runner, and when Paul called me a jogger I cut him with the Hello Kitty Death Stare. I still call myself a vegetarian, but I eat fish now. I am a writer but can never seem to get past writing an outline for a novel. I have a lot of tattoos and used to be a body piercer, but I have a complete needle phobia. People comment on how skinny I am, but I hate my skinniness and want to be muscular like the women in the Nike ads. I don't let my kids watch Nickelodeon but let them watch horror movies with us. Like everyone else, I am a walking contradiction. All I know is I refuse to only be the Deaf girl with NF2, but don't know who else I would be if I wasn't.
By the way my Nani took the time to tell me how unfunny I am the other day, but I think I am hilarious. Maybe she's right.