So it’s been a little while since I had a blog posting. Sorry about that but I took a little break for mental health reasons. Let’s just say that I am pretty stressed out at the moment and a lot of things have slid including this blog. I hate that and as I really enjoy writing these posts but I simply found myself spent both physically and mentally. I think if I can get this blog written and posted I will be back on track. But this is the third night I have worked on it and still have a ways to go to get it done. But here goes, I have to get it done tonight.
I have to admit that mood wise I have been in a funk lately. For the last couple of weeks I have been pretty stressed and just can’t get through it. Compared to others in the world and actually the world its self my troubles and stress is nothing. But between work, the kids recent tantrums and worrying about the marathon I am stressed out. The one major result is a real lack of energy and enthusiasm for running. It sounds funny but running should help. But it is a vicious circle where I get stressed in one manner, typically followed by an additional one that day and then I don’t sleep worrying about all of the above. Now the alarms goes off at 5am and I just look at it. I need to be out there running for the marathon but I am finding it difficult to do so. I do find I have more interest in the evenings but other things on the schedule impact my ability to. So here I am just I a real interesting place both physically and mentally a little more than a month before the race.
Someone asked me today if I was excited for the race still. The honest answer at this moment is not overly. I have so much to do at work, deadlines to hit and just learning the new role still I cannot think beyond that. All of my energy is focused on work and trying to get up to speed on the new team. The kids have been a handful also with one of them is throwing some real tantrums lately. These affect us and disrupts the family unit and pretty much saddens the rest of the day or evening. We are working though it but these episodes drain my wife and I energy wise. Many a night I am simply spent. One evening I just had to get out of the house and went for a 6 mile walk on the CE trail. I’ll write more about this walk later this week but it helped. But it is unfair to my wife to leave the area for 2 hours to take a very slow walk in town to cool off.
I also know that I have not been the jovial self around the house and work. I am pretty quiet and serious at the moment and not my usual joking self. I have felt that I am not myself and try to improve my mood, but again I am so tired and stressed it’s hard to with such low energy. My family overall has been accommodating to this mood change but it is not fair to them. I’m trying to work through this and be in a better frame of mind for the race. One positive note is that a major deadline will be over by then and maybe the stress level will be lessened. I can only hope. Another side effect is eating. I have always eaten whenever I get stressed. Now is no different. I have found that I am eating more snacks and junk lately especially at work. Candy or peanuts in particular. It is not a good habit to be in right now. I need to drop whatever weight I can before the race. But I am slowly sabotaging my own plans to lose weight.
So the end result is a real disappointing couple of weeks training wise. I see the number of days to the marathon clicking by as the mileage is at best slowing increasing. I am starting to over think the whole race. I am getting obsessed with the pace charts and time restrictions for the race. I am think far too much about what I will do when strategy wise. I am spending a lot of time in the middle of the night worrying about it. I can’t imagine what I will be like a night or two before the race. As chance would have it I even spoke with the race director today about the early start for the race and the cut of time. We had a nice chat about the marathon and I did feel reassured that I will make it even with the limited training.
So there it is, where I am at the moment. Hey, I made it through writing this blog. I’ll take any little victory I can at the moment.